My Boyfriend Hasn’t Texted Me All Day – HELP!

The day’s almost over and it’s hit you – “my boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day”. I’m guessing you find this unusual because he would minimally drop you a text message in the morning. 

When this happened to me, I immediately assumed the worst. I thought he was practically dead! 

Fortunately, this wasn’t the case. Instead, my boyfriend was so busy at work that he didn’t have a chance to drop me a text. 

I’m sure there’s a valid explanation as to why you keep thinking “he hasn’t texted me all day” so read further if you’d like to know what to do when you realize my boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day. 

Summary 

• 11 things to do when my boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day 
• Frequently asked questions 
  • Is it normal for my boyfriend to not text me all day? 
  • How long is too long for your boyfriend not to text you? 
• Conclusion 

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11 Things To Do When My Boyfriend Hasn’t Texted Me All Day 

What was your immediate reaction when you realized “my boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day”? 

Did you start thinking that he doesn’t care about you or that he might be speaking to someone else? 

Did you think this is a sign that your relationship is doomed and he will break up with you? 

Licensed marriage and family therapist, Ms. Emma McAdams calls this habit of assuming the worst catastrophizing. 

When we begin to catastrophize a situation, we perceive it as being so terrible that we won’t be able to recover from it. 

Our mind views the situation as being worse than what the actual reality is, and this frame of thinking can lead to increasing anxiety and depression. 

According to McAdams, catastrophizing is used as a coping mechanism that prevents us from feeling sad and curbs feelings of uncertainty. 

If we assume the worst, then we won’t be disappointed by the actual outcome. However, if we continue to think this way to protect ourselves, this will prevent us from experiencing success. 

You might feel relief in the short run, but you will feel unhappy in the long run.  As you can tell from my experience earlier, I’m guilty of catastrophizing but McAdams has helped me learn a more healthy way to manage this. 

So referencing her teachings, let’s take a step back and assess your current situation.  

1. Notice how you’re feeling when you realize “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day” 

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What feelings or words come to mind when you think “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day”? Is it rejection? Is it worry? The end of a relationship? 

Recall what specific situations you catastrophize about. Do you catastrophize the act of him not texting all day or are there any other situations? Can you identify a pattern for these situations? 

Spend 15-20 minutes writing down your thoughts. 

2. Take a moment to pause 

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Now that you’ve released your thoughts onto paper, take a moment to pause. Remember, your thoughts don’t necessarily reflect the reality of your situation. 

Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true and it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to believe them. 

You may take deep breaths or practice mindfulness for 5 to 10 minutes. The goal is to regulate your breathing so that you can be in a more calm state. 

3. Challenge your thoughts that have resulted from thinking “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day” 

Be honest and ask yourself where these thoughts are coming from. Gently question them but don’t beat yourself up for having them. 

These thoughts are probably rooted in experiences like previous relationships or family upbringing so don’t be hard on yourself during this process. 

Perhaps this situation is generating a fear of rejection or lack of connection, which are valid concerns. 

The aim is to be kind and objective when exploring your thoughts. 

4. Replace the thoughts that have resulted from thinking “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day” with something positive 

Initially, the thoughts that were spurred from realizing “My boyfriend hasnt texted me all day”, were negative. Now replace these thoughts with something more honest and hopeful. 

Below is an example of how you can reframe your thoughts: 

• Negative thinking: He doesn’t care about me and I’m not worthy of love. 
• Positive thinking: He probably is busy at work. I am projecting my insecurities because I have a fear of rejection. I will drop him a text at a suitable time and hope he’s okay. 

5. Occupy yourself instead of wondering why “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day” 

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Now that you’ve reframed your thoughts, learn to let go of it and do something different to take your mind off it. 

This includes going out for a walk, reading a book, or cooking a meal. I do not doubt that you will start feeling anxious again because you’re worried he won’t text back. After all, we’re only human and anxiety, as a result of worrying, is our brains way of keeping us safe. 

If this happens, simply acknowledge the worry and let it pass right through you. 

Trying too hard to ignore it will only magnify the worry and you will begin to feel frustrated for not managing it well. 

6. Schedule time to worry if you still can’t stop wondering why “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day” 

However, if you do find yourself dwelling on your worry, then tell yourself you acknowledge this worry and that you will deal with this at a specific time. 

The goal here is to set boundaries between yourself and worrying. By scheduling a time to specifically worry, you’re training yourself to be more present rather than letting your worries consume you throughout your day. 

7. Drop him a text message if you still haven’t heard from him 

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If you still haven’t heard from him after more than 24 hours, drop him a text message to see if he’s okay. 

Remember that when he replies or what reason he has for not texting you is beyond your control so don’t dwell on this. 

If you catch yourself in that cycle of wondering why “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day”, then go back to the previous 6 steps mentioned here if need be. 

8. Don’t try to control him 

If he does reply the day after then that’s great! If he, based on your judgment, has a valid reason for not texting all day, then you should feel relieved. 

In situations like this, we shouldn’t be judgmental, reprimand our partners for not texting, or enforce unrealistic standards of communication. Instead, thank him for his explanation and apology. 

9. Make bids for connection 

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If it’s reassurance you seek to reduce your anxiety, then discuss what would be a suitable communication arrangement for both of you. 

For example, you could both drop a short good morning text message before work starts (this is what my boyfriend and I do).

Or agree to call at the end of the day during busy days. Or continue planning date nights ahead so that you don’t feel neglected. 

Relationship expert and psychologist, John Gottman, refers to these small and big acts as making bids. These bids, when given and received by both parties, can foster meaningful connections. 

By focusing on making these bids, you will feel more secure in the relationship and will spend less time worrying about why “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day”. 

10. Continue improving yourself  

To foster a good relationship, you must also continue building a good relationship with yourself. This means learning to be aware of your negative thoughts and how to manage them. 

Remember, just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true so continue working on building a kinder internal voice so that you can be more present and positive. 

If you have the financial means, you can also choose to seek professional help from a licensed therapist or counselor who can help you navigate your emotions. 

11. Reassess the relationship 

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If it’s been more than a week and he still hasn’t texted you, and you’ve reached out to him repeatedly, then this might be a good time to reconsider this relationship. 

Not communicating with you for this long and without a valid reason is not something you should tolerate. If he was committed and cared about your feelings, then he wouldn’t neglect you. 

Frequently Asked Questions 

Is it normal for my boyfriend to not text me all day?

Absolutely nothing is “normal.” Some couples text all day, while others prefer to save it for the end of the day. Sometimes, there might be zero communication during really busy workdays and that’s fine. Identify what your boundaries are so you both can establish a suitable communication arrangement for your relationship. 

How long is too long for your boyfriend not to text you?

Wait 2–3 days or up to a week before reaching out as this will give him a chance to text you first. If it’s been more than a week however and you still haven’t heard from him, then it might be time to consider moving on. 

Conclusion

There’s no point dwelling or assuming the worst when you realize “My boyfriend hasn’t texted me all day”. 

Not only is this a waste of energy but it can make you feel anxious and potentially lead to rash decisions. Remember you can control how you receive your thoughts. 

Continue practicing on your own or with an expert so that you can build a more positive mindset that will not only benefit yourself but also your relationship. All the best!