Ghosted After First Date: HERE’S What To Do About It (9 Tips!)
You’ve been ghosted after first date and don’t know what to do? Ghosting is a relatively new term in dating discourse. Being ghosted after the first date or ghosting in general has sparked debate.
From what constitutes ghosting to when it is socially acceptable to do so, discussing this concept has elicited nuanced answers. Regardless, being ghosted after first date invites mixed feelings, leaving many wondering how to move forward.
So if you’re in a similar position, I hope this article can shed some light on what to do when you’ve been ghosted after first date.
Summary
- What is ghosting?
- Why do people ghost after first date?
- Why does it feel bad to be ghosted?
- What not to do after being ghosted?
- 9 ways to cope with ghosting
- Can you avoid being ghosted in the future?
- Frequently asked questions
- Why do guys disappear after a great first date?
- Is it wrong to ghost someone after one date?
- Is being ghosted worse than rejection?
- Should I text after being ghosted?
- How many days of no contact is ghosting?
- Conclusion
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DISCLOSURE
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What is ghosting?
Ghosting is a relatively new term that refers to abruptly ending contact with someone without providing any warning or explanation. You’re met with complete silence or no response despite reaching out to the person.
Part of the discourse around this concept centers around when it is socially acceptable to ghost someone. Some would argue that if neither party enjoyed the date, there’s no need to communicate afterwards.
Others believe it’s courteous to at least message them that you won’t be pursuing the relationship further. However, what’s missing in the conversation is how the vanishing act itself makes one feel.
If you’re feeling dejected or are reacting negatively to the experience, then yes, you have been ghosted.
Why do people ghost after first date?
There are several reasons why people ghost. Here are just a few:
1. Assumption that it’s socially acceptable
One of the reasons why you might have been ghosted after first date is that your date assumes it’s socially acceptable.
As mentioned earlier, there are no clear rules of engagement when it comes to dating, especially in the modern world. The introduction of dating apps has also created the illusion that there are no consequences to disregarding your date, as you can simply move on to the next one.
There’s a perception that because you haven’t established enough of a relationship after a first date, it means you don’t owe the other person an explanation and can move on.
2. They’re conflict avoidant
Another reason you might have been ghosted after first date is that they are conflict-avoidant. Conflict-avoidant people tend to avoid having difficult conversations or confrontations. They would rather withdraw from conflict rather than address it directly.
Upon realising that you both might feel differently about the date, they might have decided that they would rather avoid you to minimise disagreement rather than be honest about how they are. This response usually stems from a fear of upsetting others.
3. They fear rejection
Alternatively, ghosting may occur because they fear rejection. Rather than let you decide the fate of this date, they would rather be the first to ghost you because they cannot cope with rejection, and they want to be in control of the date’s outcome.
4. They fear commitment
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Your date might not be ready to commit to a long-term relationship. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then ghosting you is an indication that they’re not ready. So, consider being ghosted after the first date a silver lining.
5. They’re no longer interested
A simple reason as to why you’ve been ghosted after first date is that they’re just not interested. While we might’ve perceived the date as going great, it might have been perceived differently by the other.
It’s important to mention that they’re disinterest is not a reflection of your worth. Sometimes, the date doesn’t work out, and that’s okay.
6. They have different dating intentions
Did you communicate your dating intentions? How did they respond? Being ghosted after first date could be due to a difference in what you both want from dating.
Perhaps they’re looking for something more casual while you’re looking for a life partner. When there’s a lack of alignment with your dating goals, then there wouldn’t have been any point in pursuing the date.
Why does it feel bad to be ghosted?
The reason why ghosting leaves a pit in your stomach is that it’s a form of rejection. It communicates that you’re not accepted by this person, nor are their feelings reciprocated.
Not being told why they’re no longer speaking to you also feels hurtful because it shows a complete lack of consideration towards your feelings.
However, it’s important to remember that being ghosted is not a reflection of your worth. Their ghosting you says a lot more about their character than yours.
What not to do after being ghosted
It’s easier said than done, especially in the moment, but do avoid doing the following things when you’re ghosted after first date.
1. Jump straight into another date without processing your feelings
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When you’re ghosted after first date, it’s normal to want to move on quickly and forget about what happened. However, it’s important to acknowledge what happened and process your emotions.
It’s okay to admit that ghosting has impacted your self-esteem. No one feels good after being rejected. Once we’ve acknowledged how ghosting has made us feel, can we then be compassionate towards ourselves and rebuild our self-esteem.
Otherwise, we might begin looking for external validation when dating, or our insecurities will have us second-guessing our every move. Moving on too fast and without processing our emotions will have you losing sight of the bigger goals of dating intentionally – to find a suitable partner.
2. Avoid stalking them online
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It’s so tempting to want to scroll through their social media and wonder incessantly as to why they ghosted you. But this practice is a waste of your time and energy. So, before you pick up your phone or open your laptop, ask yourself if this benefits your future self.
3. Don’t continue to reach out to them repeatedly
If you don’t hear from them after the third text message, then take it as a sign to let that person go. Their unresponsiveness indicates a lack of interest, so you’re better off moving on and finding someone willing to make an effort to stay in touch.
9 Ways to cope with ghosting
For most people, ghosting and rejection in general are part of the dating process, so building resilience is a crucial element when dating.
Building resilience in dating means developing healthy practices to navigate the ups and downs of finding a partner. This includes practicing healthy coping mechanisms when faced with rejection, social anxiety, and communication challenges.
This all might sound daunting, especially if you’re new to the dating scene. But what’s important is making the effort to adopt these practices and embrace the dating journey, not just seeing dating as a means to an end.
1. Process and acknowledge your emotions
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When you’re ghosted after first date, it’s normal to want to ignore the hurt and feeling of rejection. However, not acknowledging your emotions can influence how you approach dating for the worse.
For instance, you might start looking to date for external validation rather than finding a compatible partner. Alternatively, you’ll start feeling insecure and less confident as you move on to the next date.
Give yourself time to experience the heaviness of your feelings. Identify how being ghosted after first date makes you feel. Do you feel hurt? Shame?
Once you’ve acknowledged these feelings, remind yourself that they’re only temporary and will gradually fade. It’s important to make this distinction because these feelings don’t define your self-worth.
2. Be self-compassionate
Another practice you must adopt when ghosted after first date is to be self-compassionate. It’s easy to spiral into negative self-talk. Take notice of when your mind starts thinking negatively of yourself.
When it occurs, practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that you’re doing your best and that’s enough.
You can also touch your heart or hug yourself in a loving way as a means to self-soothe. Ultimately, practicing self-compassion means learning to be kind to yourself.
3. Reframe any negative thoughts and feelings of rejection
Being kind to yourself also means reframing any negative thoughts and feelings you have towards being ghosted after first date. As mentioned earlier, start by noticing when you’re speaking negatively about yourself.
Rather than believing you’re the only person to get ghosted, remind yourself that being ghosted is a part of the dating experience and that you’re not alone in this. Approaching your thoughts in this manner will help you realise that there’s nothing personal about being ghosted.
If you start thinking you’ll never be able to find someone, remind yourself that one date does not define your entire dating journey.
There will be ups and downs, but what matters is that you keep going and that you’ll get through it. The more we practice being mindful of our negative thoughts, the more resilient we become.
4. Speak to a therapist
If you’re still struggling with your negative thoughts, consider seeking professional help from a licensed therapist or counselor.
They will be able to provide you with the necessary tools to help navigate your thoughts and support you on your journey.
5. Spend time with your loved ones
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While it’s easier to turn in and avoid your loved ones, sometimes it’s better to turn towards them for emotional support.
Being surrounded by your friends and family can be the best balm when you’re feeling down because their affection and presence will remind you that you’re not alone.
6. Spend time doing activities you enjoy and build your self-esteem
One way to build your self-esteem when being ghosted after first date is to spend time doing activities that you enjoy or are good at. This could be going for a walk or practicing a hobby.
By channeling your time and energy into these activities, you will increase dopamine levels and reduce stress. The positive emotions that come from participating in these activities will also help you create a more positive self-image, thus improving your self-confidence.
7. Remind yourself what you’re looking for in dating
Once you’re in a better headspace, take some time to reflect on your dating intentions. Identify what you hope to gain from dating and what you’re looking for in a partner.
Dating is a journey, and being ghosted after first date is just a small hurdle. It shouldn’t derail you from your long-term dating goals.
8. Focus on the present
With that said, it’s also crucial that you focus on the present. Rather than worry about how the date will go or fixate on saying the right things to your date, focus instead on the process of truly getting to know them.
Actively listen to their answers and embrace curiosity. Once you take the pressure off finding the one and reframe your date as an opportunity to genuinely get to know someone, it will help you be in the moment.
9. Embrace an abundant mindset
An abundant mindset is the belief that there are enough resources, opportunities, and successes for everyone. An abundant mindset encourages optimism and hope for better dating outcomes.
When we experience being ghosted after first date, it’s easy to fall into a scarcity mindset. This means we resort to assuming nothing good will come after this, or that this is going to set us up for more bad dates.
But when we adopt an abundant mindset rather than a scarcity mindset, we can perceive ghosting as a learning opportunity that we can bring to our next date.
While we cannot predict the outcome, we can at least learn to be hopeful because being optimistic about dating isn’t futile; it’s necessary to keep going.
Can you avoid being ghosted in the future?
Unfortunately, ghosting is part of the modern dating experience. You might show up as your best self and still might get rejected for whatever reason. So there’s truly no way to control the outcome of a date.
However, accepting this as a possibility when dating will alleviate the social anxiety that comes with the fear of being ghosted. It will also create space for things that we can control, which is how we navigate dating and respond to ghosters.
So, rather than worrying about being ghosted, focus on your dating intentions. Remind yourself of your dating goals before meeting someone and ask questions that will help you identify if you’re both aligned in your dating journey.
If they do ghost you after the first date, then consider it a sign from the universe that it wasn’t meant to be, and hope that someone better will come along.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do guys disappear after a great first date?
They’re not interested. One of the reasons why guys disappear after a first date is that they aren’t interested. Regardless of whether the date went well for you, they just weren’t interested.
Is it wrong to ghost someone after one date?
If you’ve only been on one date and have no interest in pursuing this, then ghosting is somewhat acceptable, especially if they haven’t texted you either. However, if you’ve been on multiple dates, then ghosting is considered rude and insensitive.
Is being ghosted worse than rejection?
Ghosting is worse than just rejection for a lot of people, as it’s a form of rejection without closure. Closure enables healing, so many people moan and complain about being ghosted compared to experiencing an outright rejection.
Should I text after being ghosted?
You should try to come up with a succinct, clear message that conveys your feelings. However, there are no rules as to whether you should text or not, but you shouldn’t do it with the anticipation that it will make you feel better.
How many days of no contact is ghosting?
About three days of no contact is considered ghosting. Ghosting occurs when your date stops replying to texts, calls, or any form of communication. They might stop contact due to a family emergency, but people are capable of sending a short text update after two days.
Conclusion
Being ghosted after first date isn’t a pleasant experience. So take your time to process your feelings and run through the steps to cope with ghosting.
Ultimately, being ghosted is not a reflection of your self-worth, nor does it define your dating trajectory. By building resilience and continuing to approach dating with an abundant mindset, I’m hopeful that you’ll have better dating experiences moving forward. All the best!