How To Save Long-Distance Relationship 

You’ve argued with your partner and wondering how to save long-distance relationship after this? Being in an LDR myself, I understand how stressed you must feel. 

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, all your problems feel magnified because of the physical distance. 

However, just like any other couple, conflicts must be addressed calmly and discussed honestly with each other. 

So whether you’ve been in a long-distance relationship for a few months or a few years, I’ll share with you how to save long-distance relationship 

Summary

• How to save long-distance relationship (10 steps) 
• How to maintain an emotional connection to save a long-distance relationship 
• Frequently asked questions 
  • What saves a long-distance relationship?
  • Can relationships survive long-distance?
  • When to leave a long-distance relationship?
• Conclusion 

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DISCLOSURE

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How To Save Long-Distance Relationship (10 Steps) 

Conflicts in a long-distance relationship don’t necessarily signal a break-up. 

Rather it can be viewed as an opportunity to understand each other better provided you’re both honest and willing to listen. 

So here are 10 ways how to save long-distance relationship. 

1. Give each other space 

One of the first steps on how to save long-distance relationship is to give each other space. Use the time apart to calm down and recollect your thoughts. 

Communicate to your partner that you both need time to process emotions and want to have a conversation when you’re calm. 

2. Reflect on the long-distance relationship 

Credit: kaboompics 

While it’s easier to blame it on the distance, we cannot always blame an external factor beyond our control. 

So take this time alone to reflect on your long-distance relationship. What aspect of your long-distance relationship has been troubling you?  

Is the cause of your arguments rooted in a lack of emotional connection? Or does it pertain to the future of your relationship? 

List your concerns and encourage your partner to do the same so that you can both discuss and find solutions together. 

3. Actively listen to each other’s concerns 

The next tip on how to save a long-distance relationship is to pick a moment when you can both have a long and uninterrupted discussion. 

Explain that this conversation intends to address each other’s concerns and how you can resolve them together. 

It’s important to remind each other that you’re both a team. Rather than position this as a debate (i.e. me vs. you), you must look at it as a discussion (i.e. us vs. the problem) 

To actively listen means you should listen to understand your partner’s perspective, not defend yourself.  

So if you hear something you don’t understand, make a mental note to ask for clarification after they’re done speaking. 

4. Seek out realignment 

Say the cause of conflict is uncertainty over where your long-distance relationship is going. 

How to save your long-distance relationship here would be to have an honest and open discussion about where your relationship is currently at and where you want it to go. 

What I would encourage you to start with is to discuss what your values are. I don’t mean checking that you both like the same food or hobbies. 

Values mean characteristics or beliefs that guide your thoughts and actions. Identify what each other’s core values are and if there’s alignment with each other’s values. 

Some examples include do you share the same political views? Or religious beliefs? 

Some people believe that they need to be with someone who shares the same views on politics and religion because they believe it sets a strong foundation for their partnership. 

What values do you need in your partnership that you feel are non-negotiable? Discuss this openly with your partner. 

5. Identify a shared vision 

Credit: Peggy_Marco 

Next, is to discuss where you want this relationship to go. What do you want your future to look like in 5 years? 

I know this sounds daunting and it’s normal to change your mind later on. 

However, just having a vague idea of what you want and informing your partner is a great litmus test in determining if you both have the same vision of your future. 

If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few questions to guide your discussion: 

• What are your thoughts on having kids? 
• How do you want to raise them if so? 
• How do you think we should split our finances? 
• How should we distribute chores in the household? 
• What line of work would you like to pursue? 

If there’s a misalignment in what you both want in your future, you need to ask yourself if this is a non-negotiable, something you’re willing to forgo or make a compromise. 

Examples of misalignments could be him not wanting kids but you do. Or you want to adopt a nomadic lifestyle but he wants to settle down in the suburbs. 

If you can find a way to identify a compromise that you’re both equally satisfied with, then that’s great! Otherwise, you might need to consider the possibility of ending the relationship. 

There’s no point in being with someone who doesn’t share the same vision of their future with you as it might lead to resentment and drive a wedge in your relationship. 

6. Schedule when you’re seeing each other 

Credit: ulleo

Scheduling when you’re meeting is crucial to saving a long-distance relationship for being in one doesn’t leave plenty of room for spontaneity. 

Based on my experience, what stresses my boyfriend and me is not knowing when we’re seeing each other. 

So to curb our anxiety, we scheduled when we’re seeing each other. This includes knowing who is making the trip, and for how long. 

7. Be clear about your intention for each visit 

Another important tip on how to save long-distance relationships is to clarify the intention of the visit. 

If you foresee you’ll be in a long-distance relationship for a long time, then each visit should be an opportunity to observe and learn each other’s quirks, habits, and ticks. 

I’m not discouraging you from going on a holiday when you physically meet but I’d urge you to experience living and being in each other’s presence during the mundane. 

Should there be any conflict, it usually indicates a lack of understanding between each other. 

So take it as an opportunity to learn more about your partner. Framing conflicts positively can invite growth and deeper understanding in your long-distance relationship. 

8. Set realistic expectations 

One way to avoid disappointment is to set realistic expectations with text messages and video calls. 

While it’s important to maintain connection in your long-distance relationship, there’s nothing wrong if the frequency is varied. 

Sometimes, other things in our lives take priority and while keeping to a consistent communication schedule is great, there are periods when either one or both of you are busy. 

So don’t hesitate to be flexible with your video calls. Schedule a long catch-up at the end of the week to make up for the lack of daily updates. 

Keeping each other glued in on each other’s schedules and making adjustments is key to saving a long-distance relationship. 

9. Work towards closing the gap 

Once you’re both clear that you both share the same vision for a future together, work towards closing the gap. 

This means identifying as a couple where you want to start the next chapter of your relationship. What determines where you settle depends on what’s important to you both. 

Examples include which location has better job opportunities. Where would be a good place to raise a family? 

Or do you both want to consider uprooting to a country where you both haven’t lived? Making this decision can be overwhelming so break it down into small and actionable steps. 

For instance, during your visits, you can both experience what it’s like living at each other’s home and identify the pros and cons. 

Whatever it is, either one of you has to uproot and the other has to be ready to support their partner on this journey. Remember you’re a team! 

10. Seek professional help 

Being in a long-distance relationship can take an emotional toll and both partners can reach a point where they can’t support and offer reassurance. 

If you and your partner are feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a licensed therapist or couples counselor. 

They’ll be able to offer you advice and practical solutions as you navigate this long-distance relationship. 

How To Maintain An Emotional Connection To Save A Long-Distance Relationship 

The steps shared previously explain how to save long-distance relationship from fundamental problems. 

Once you’ve established that you both want to continue this long-distance relationship, here are several ways you can maintain an emotional connection. 

Simple and actionable steps you can take to show that you love each other despite the physical distance. 

1. Give the benefit of the doubt 

Since you’re physically separated, you won’t be able to see your partner as they truly are. 

And if we’re not mindful of our thoughts, we can start making exaggerated assumptions or pass judgment on our partners. 

According to John Gottman, a psychologist and relationship expert, “The assumptions you make about your spouse and your relationship can determine the state of your marriage’s health.” 

The more negative assumptions you have about your partner, the more distance there will be in the relationship.

For instance, I was telling my boyfriend about my day over video call when I noticed he wasn’t fully present. 

Initially, I thought he wasn’t interested or that he was annoyed at me (even though I was sure I hadn’t done anything wrong!) 

I would’ve irrationally pushed my boyfriend away had I continued to dwell on these assumptions. 

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I would encourage you to give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Before jumping to conclusions, notice your trigger, take a deep breath, distract yourself with an activity, and then reframe your thoughts. 

In the case of my boyfriend, I would’ve reframed it as “He did look tired and probably had a hard day at work”. 

Reframing your thoughts this way paints your partner in a more positive light. This will also put you in a more calm state when you confront them about their behavior. 

When I confronted my boyfriend about his distractedness, he did admit that he was tired from work. 

So how to save a long-distance relationship would be to give your partner the benefit of the doubt as you truly don’t know what they’re feeling or currently experiencing. 

Then be ready to talk to them about the matter calmly. A simple, “Hey, what’s going on?” should invite them to open up. 

2. Make small bids for connection 

Credit: StockSnap 

Coined by research expert, John Gottman, bids refer to any attempt, big or small, verbal or non-verbal ways we connect with our partners. 

The key to these bids is that they’re done consistently and intentionally. My boyfriend and I make it a point to text good morning every day. 

While it’s just a small act, it shows that we’re thinking of each other. Acts like these can go a long way to maintaining emotional connection. 

So think about what other ways you can show up for each other despite the physical distance. 

When you’re both busy, sending a short but sweet good morning text will help save your long-distance relationship. 

Or you can schedule virtual date nights. I’ve listed a few examples that my boyfriend and I have tried for you to consider. 

3. Online movie night 

A movie night is an oldie but a good suggestion to maintain an emotional connection. 

To elevate the experience, you can download extensions like Teleparty which allows you to synchronize your video. 

There’s also the group chat function should you both want to use it. This will make watching a movie together seamless and fun. 

4. Online listening party 

Another how to save long-distance relationship tip! You and your partner select an album and then spend the date listening to each song and rank the songs on the album. 

You can crack open a bottle and munch on some snacks while you listen to it together. A fun and affordable date night that will help you get to know each other’s musical tastes. 

5. Order the same meal 

You could order pizza or different items from the same restaurant. Make sure to silence your phone and focus on being in each other’s presence. 

This date idea would be most beneficial especially when you both have been busy and need to catch up. 

Making time to schedule these date nights is important because it shows that you both are still committed to making time for each other despite how hectic your schedules can be. 

6. Make gratitude lists 

Credit: IqbalStock 

List down one to three reasons why you’re grateful towards your partner. This practice can be done every night or every week. 

You can then share your list. Practicing gratitude, especially in your long-distance relationship can increase positivity and love.

7. Use prompt cards 

We must stay curious and want to continue learning more about our partners. One way to do this is by using prompt cards. 

I love using them because it invites more meaningful conversation and am always learning new things about my partner after drawing a few cards. 

I normally use the ones by Best Self. There are six categories and each one has a list of questions to try. So if you want to know how to save long-distance relationship, this deck would greatly help.  

8. Leverage on the post 

I think it would be very thoughtful if you and your partner occasionally send mail to each other. You don’t have to send elaborate gifts (unless that’s what they like and your budget permits). 

It could be a postcard or a letter. Personally, it would be more meaningful if you sent each other mail randomly rather than on special occasions. 

Think about what a nice surprise it would be to receive a hand-written letter amongst the pile of bills. 

Something I’d highly consider if you want to know how to save a long-distance relationship. 

Frequently Asked Questions 

What saves a long-distance relationship?

Ensure you have something to look forward to like planning a future trip and talking about all the fun things you can do together the next time you see each other in person. However, do commit to what’s within your means, and don’t completely abandon your daily affairs.   

Can relationships survive long-distance?

Long-distance relationships can work very well. Communication and planning do require more effort but many couples find that this process brings them closer. 

When to leave a long-distance relationship?

If you feel like your long-distance partner is keeping you down or holding you back, then you should break up. More so if you’re young or still in school. 

Conclusion

If you feel like your relationship is on the brink of collapse but you still want to salvage it, I hope that my guide on how to save long-distance relationship has offered useful insights. 

However, before you put in the work, you must ensure that your partner is just as committed. 

Being in a long-distance relationship is tough but provided that you both approach it with love, patience, and compassion, then you’ll be setting yourselves up for a fruitful partnership. 

All the best!