You’ve been in a relationship with your girlfriend when it suddenly hits you, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”. It’s not a pleasant feeling when you realize that your girlfriend has taken you for granted.
A secure and healthy relationship is a team effort where both parties give and receive love. If this doesn’t sound like your relationship, then it’s valid to think “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”.
Now that you’ve developed this self-awareness, read further if you’d like to know the 15 things you should consider and the 13 things I’d recommend you should do when navigating this situation.
Summary
- 8 signs she’s taking you for granted
- 7 reasons why she’s taking you for granted
- 13 things to do when you realize “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”
- Frequently asked questions
- Am I giving too much in a relationship
- How to know if you are being taken advantage of in the relationship
- Conclusion
RELATED POSTS
- Why Is My Girlfriend So Annoying? (13 Reasons + Tips)
- Why Does My Girlfriend Ignore Me? A 16-Step Guide
- Why Does My Girlfriend Get Mad So Easily? (12 Tips)
DISCLOSURE
Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.
IN A HURRY? HERE ARE THE KEY TAKEAWAYS
- One of the major signs she’s taken you for granted is when she expects you to take care of her needs with no appreciation or consideration of your own needs
- If you’re beginning to feel resentful of her, then you need to reassess this relationship and raise this concern with her
- Give her a chance to share her perspective and determine whether you’d like to stay or move on from this relationship
- If you decide to stay, identify solutions together on how best to distribute tasks so that it’s manageable for both parties
- Reaffirm your needs and reassert your boundaries with your girlfriend
- Consult with a licensed therapist if you need additional support or guidance
- Continue strengthening your relationship with small acts of kindness and practice gratitude with each other
8 Signs She’s Taking You For Granted
The statement “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return” isn’t something that is thought of overnight. It results from an accumulation of exchanges you’ve noticed between you and your girlfriend.
If you can’t identify what they are or you need validation that your girlfriend is taking you for granted, then here are 8 signs for you to consider.
Not all these are applicable as each relationship is different so only take note of those that you feel are relevant.
1. She expects you to take care of all her needs
Your girlfriend expects you to meet all her needs. This includes supporting her financially, emotionally, and physically.
Of course, we want to ensure that we can be there to fulfill our partner’s needs. However, it can also be equally overwhelming especially when your girlfriend offers no compassion when you don’t meet them.
2. She doesn’t respect your needs
Another sign to justify the feeling that, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return” is she doesn’t respect your needs.
You cook dinner every night but one day you’re feeling tired and ask if she could help cook. Instead of offering to help, she thinks you’re being lazy. Not only does she neglect your need for help but she also dismisses your feelings.
If she has no interest in supporting you and expects you to carry this relationship on your own, then it’s clear that this is a one-sided relationship.
3. She doesn’t care about your interests
Credit: RobinHiggins
You always try to show up for your girlfriend by being supportive of her interests. Unfortunately, she doesn’t reciprocate the same support.
Whenever you share what you’re excited about or any personal achievements, instead of celebrating or showing interest, she chooses to dismiss them or ignore you.
4. She shows no appreciation for your efforts
If you’re thinking “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”, it might also indicate that she shows no appreciation for your efforts.
You’re not asking for a grand romantic gesture but just a thank you or show of gratitude. It’s these small acts of connection that make you feel loved and unfortunately, your girlfriend isn’t doing so.
5. She only finds you when she needs something from you
She doesn’t check in on you, doesn’t ask how you’re feeling, and shows no interest in your ambitions. Instead, she only sees you when she needs something from you.
These needs are usually superficial like money, sex, or companionship at her convenience. If this sounds like your relationship dynamic, then it’s clear that she’s taking you for granted and confirms that “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”.
6. She’s not there for you
Credit: StockSnap
You’re going through a tough time and you need your girlfriend for emotional support. However, she’s not there for you for no valid reason. If she truly cared about you, she would make more of an effort to be there for you.
It’s clear from this interaction that she’s emotionally neglecting you and a clear sign that she’s taking you for granted.
7. She makes you feel resentful
Credit: PDPics
It’s important to be kind and giving in a relationship. However, if you find yourself thinking “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”, it means you’re feeling resentful.
It’s important to be generous and giving in a relationship but if you’re beginning to feel frustrated, then it means you’re giving too much of yourself and overstepping your boundaries.
Boundaries refer to words and actions that define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others.
There’s a misconception that we need to give our whole selves into a relationship at the cost of our own needs. However, this will only burn you out in the long run and you’ll begin to feel anger over your partner instead of affection.
So if you’re beginning to resent your partner, it means that you’ve neglected your own needs.
8. You don’t feel secure in this relationship
If she continuously neglects your needs and doesn’t make an effort to be present in this relationship, then it’s an indication that you’re in a one-sided relationship and that she’s taking you for granted.
This contributes to the feeling of a lack of security in your relationship. This isn’t healthy so you must reexamine your relationship.
7 Reasons Why She Takes You For Granted
If you’re wondering why your girlfriend takes you for granted, the best way to find out is by asking her directly. However, there are several reasons for you to consider.
Some of these reasons give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. Other reasons might make you want to reevaluate whether it’s worth pursuing this relationship. Either way, you should only consider the reasons that speak to you.
1. Misalignment of expectations
What expectations did you communicate when you first entered the relationship? Did you both agree with the current arrangement?
You might be feeling “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return” because there’s an imbalance in the current dynamic.
For example, you were initially fine with taking on all the household responsibilities and you didn’t want any help from your girlfriend.
However, now you’ve realized that you cannot cope with this responsibility. But your girlfriend is used to this arrangement and has taken it for granted.
It’s normal if you feel that the current arrangement doesn’t work, what matters is that you have a conversation with your girlfriend about this, and adapt in a manner that is agreeable for the both of you.
2. She has unrealistic expectations
Your girlfriend has unrealistic expectations of you as a partner. She needs you to fulfill all the roles so that she feels secure in this relationship.
Instead of seeing you for who you are and building a relationship based on your strengths, she’s trying to shape you into someone you’re not.
It could also be that she’s projecting her unrealistic expectations of herself onto you. Projection refers to the act of placing your feelings on someone else.
So in your scenario, it could be that your girlfriend is hard on you because she’s projecting her perfectionist tendencies onto you.
3. Her childhood influenced her perception of relationships
The reason why she’s taking you for granted is because of her upbringing. Perhaps when she was younger, she witnessed a dynamic where her father did everything to maintain the relationship.
Or she was taught that the man needs to fulfill all her needs. This thought process is then transferred onto this relationship because that’s all she knows.
4. She doesn’t realize that she’s taking you for granted
At some point, we reach a stage in the relationship where we get comfortable with the current relationship dynamics. Provided that one party hasn’t spoken out against it, then the dynamics will remain this way.
It could be that your girlfriend doesn’t realize that she’s taking you for granted. If you haven’t confronted her about this, then she will continue to assume that everything is fine.
5. She’s selfish
A harsh reality is that your girlfriend takes you for granted because she’s simply selfish. She only acts out of her self-interest and only thinks about what she can gain from this relationship.
6. She isn’t emotionally connected in this relationship
Another reason why you feel “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return” is because she isn’t emotionally connected in this relationship.
A loving partner is someone who also considers how she can be a better partner and what she can contribute towards building a secure relationship for both parties. Unfortunately, this might not be the case for your girlfriend.
7. She’s busy and has a lot on her plate
Credit: helpsg
Ask yourself when you started feeling like “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”. If this only began recently then it could be that your girlfriend is going through a busy period and doesn’t have time to prioritize the relationship.
Of course, this isn’t a free pass for her to take you for granted but by understanding what is driving this behavior we can identify solutions that can meet both your needs.
13 Things To Do When You Realize “I Do Everything For My Girlfriend And Get Nothing In Return”
1. Acknowledge your feelings
You must acknowledge how this situation is making you feel and then confront your girlfriend about it. Often, there’s a tendency to want to suppress any “negative” emotions like anger, annoyance, or frustration because we don’t want to start an argument.
However, if we continue suppressing these emotions, they will only start to make us feel resentful which isn’t good for yourself or the relationship. Eventually, it will come up to the surface in an explosive way that will hurt the relationship even more.
2. Identify what’s bothering you
Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, take some time to identify what’s bothering you. List down instances that make you feel “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”.
You need to specify when she’s taken you for granted so that you don’t come across as sounding accusatory. Take note of how her behavior makes you feel. Do you feel hurt? Neglected?
Communicating how your girlfriend’s actions make you feel will hopefully make her more understanding and compassionate.
3. Challenge assumptions
Take a moment to question your assumptions. Sometimes, we get caught up thinking about “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return” and we neglect thinking about the ways our partner contributes to this relationship.
Unless it’s blatantly obvious the relationship is one-sided, ask yourself when did your girlfriend do something nice for you? How has she added value to the relationship? The point of this exercise is to give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt.
4. Bring up your concerns
Credit: gracinistudio
When you’re ready, initiate the conversation with your girlfriend. Pick a time and place when you’re both calm and be clear about what the purpose of the conversation is.
Reassure her that you don’t intend to attack her but just explain to her how you’ve been feeling towards her behavior.
When bringing up your concerns, remember to use “I statement” instead of “you statements”.
“You statements” like “You don’t show me any appreciation” or “You hardly do any of the housework, I have to do everything” sound like a judgment call on her character.
Naturally, your girlfriend will feel attacked and want to defend herself rather than listen to what you have to say.
“I statement” focuses the conversation on you and how her specific actions make you feel. It will sound less like an accusatory remark and more like feedback on her actions.
You can start the conversation with “I feel unloved despite showing you lots of affection. I just want to be assured that you care about me the same way”.
Reiterate your points until she understands you. This may be challenging and you might need to pause if the conversation gets heated.
However, you must remember the purpose of this conversation is to have her understand your point of view and consequently work together to improve the relationship.
6. Listen without judgment
Give your girlfriend a chance to share how she feels. In other words, you can practice being empathetic to her.
Empathy refers to the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place.
One way to practice empathy is by actively listening to our partner. Instead of listening to respond or defend ourselves, we should listen to understand our partner.
Other ways to practice active listening are by maintaining eye contact and only interrupting her when seeking clarification. This way, we’re able to understand what drove your girlfriend to behave this way.
Once she’s spoken, summarise each other’s points so that you both are clear of each other’s perspective.
7. Think things through
Now that you’ve had the conversation, think about how you’d like to move forward. If your girlfriend genuinely shows remorse and wants to work things through, then you can consider staying in this relationship (provided that you want to).
You may confide in a friend you trust as well if you need advice on the matter. Be sure to tell both sides of the story so that they can make an informed opinion.
8. Identify solutions together
Credit: Pexels
If you’ve decided that you’d like to stay in this relationship, then specify what your needs are. If you’re burdened with too much of the housework, inform her what support you need.
Tell her how you’d like to be shown appreciation and the ways that make you feel loved so that you can foster an emotional connection.
American psychologist John Gottman refers to these as bids. Bids refer to acts that couples can do for each other to build a strong emotional bond. It could be embracing our partner after a long day or filling up petrol in their car.
You can also make it a point to spend quality time together whether that’s by going out for a meal or doing an activity together.
Sometimes, couples need to go back to the basics of getting to know each other so that they can learn more about their partners and how they like to be cared for.
If both of you try to carry out these bids, not only will this build a stronger emotional connection but the relationship will no longer feel one-sided.
9. Establish boundaries
An essential thing you must do if you want to maintain this relationship without losing yourself is to establish boundaries.
Boundaries refer to actions and words that you are comfortable with. It helps inform others how you’d like to be treated.
We find ourselves agreeing to do certain things because we don’t want to upset the person asking the favor. While it’s fine to say yes, we shouldn’t keep doing so at the expense of overstepping our boundaries.
This is how we breed resentment and our efforts to help will remain futile because it’s not done with the right intentions.
Be clear with your girlfriend about what you are willing to do and what you cannot do.
10. Work on yourself
If establishing boundaries is a new concept for you, don’t be concerned. Setting boundaries is a work in progress and we should strive to work on improving ourselves.
This experience of giving too much in this relationship can be a sign to look inward and reflect on how you can improve your communication skills i.e. learning how to say no and how to ask for help.
Be patient with yourself as it will take time but provided that you’re taking small steps to improve your communication skills, you’ll be better for yourself and your relationship.
11. Practise gratitude
A crucial step to improving your relationship is to practice gratitude. Based on the phrase, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”, it sounds like your girlfriend never acknowledged your efforts nor did she thank you for them.
Lack of gratitude can cause resentment in relationships so make it a point to do so in yours. You could end the day by sharing one thing you’re grateful that your partner did or just simply thank them after they’ve done something kind.
This will gradually eliminate any resentment and create a more loving relationship
12. Seek professional help
If you’re both struggling to navigate this situation and still want to make it work, you can consult with a licensed couples therapist or counselor who can assist on the matter.
13. Consider breaking up
If your girlfriend refuses to cooperate, listen, or shows no signs of improving her behavior, then take these as signs that you should move on from this relationship.
You deserve to be with someone who wants to build a safe and secure relationship, not one who just takes everything from you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Am I giving too much in a relationship?
Regularly canceling on your friends or dropping everything for your partner can be indicative that you’re giving too much. If you keep making too many sacrifices, and they’re not reciprocated, then this can leave you feeling resentful and insincere.
How to know if you are being taken advantage of in a relationship?
They may expect you to listen to them, but not be willing to hear what you have to say. It may feel like you’re being used which includes selfishness and a disinterest in your needs. It can also involve your partner only being interested in a sexual relationship and refusing to make any emotional commitment.
Conclusion
It doesn’t feel nice when you’re being taken advantage of and it’s worse when you realize “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”. Whatever her reasons may be, it’s important to address this matter with her soon.
Otherwise, the resentment you have over your girlfriend will only hurt you and negatively impact your relationship. If you see no change in her behavior over time, then take it as a sign that it’s time to move on. You deserve better after all. All the best.