You’ve been with your boyfriend and it’s dawned on you that “I want to be with my boyfriend all the time”. You’re wondering if this is normal or should you be concerned. 

And why are you feeling this way? So many questions! There’s a lot to unpack here so let’s dive straight into the details. 

Summary

• Should I be worried that I want to be with my boyfriend all the time? 
• Why do I want to be with my boyfriend all the time? (5 reasons)
• What to do when I want to be with my boyfriend all the time? (10 tips)
• Frequently asked questions 
  • Is it healthy to always want to be with your boyfriend?
  • What is the 70-30 rule in relationships?
• Conclusion 

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Should I Be Worried That I Want To Be With My Boyfriend All The Time? 

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If you’re in the initial stages of being in a relationship, then it’s normal to feel, “I want to be with my boyfriend all the time”. 

I remember when I first got together with my boyfriend, we couldn’t wait to spend time with each other. 

According to this research paper, chemicals such as dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine increase when two people fall in love. 

Dopamine increases euphoria levels while adrenaline and norepinephrine generate the heart’s pitter-patter and restlessness that comes with experiencing love. 

However, concerns will arise when staying in a relationship comes at the cost of neglecting other areas in your life. 

Do you feel disconnected from your friends or family? Have you checked in with how you’re feeling on a personal level? 

Have you made time for your hobbies or interests? Or are you beginning to feel suffocated by your partner? Have you been neglecting your own needs? 

In extreme cases, these signs point to the fact that you might be in a codependent relationship.  

But in other cases, it’s not as severe but whichever side you’re on, you need to reexamine your behavior and the relationship. 

Why Do I Want To Be With My Boyfriend All The Time? (5 reasons)

There are a few reasons as to why “I want to be with my boyfriend all the time”. The obvious reasons are because you love him and enjoy his company. 

However, I’ve listed down several reasons that suggest wanting to be with your boyfriend all the time is indicative of an unhealthy relationship. 

1. I want to be with my boyfriend all the time because I have low self-esteem 

When we think negatively of ourselves in a relationship, we fall into a dangerous pattern of becoming inferior to our partners. 

We start believing that our boyfriend is better than us and need to depend on them to make us feel better.  Without their affirmation or physical presence, you feel a void.

Not only does this show an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship, but it also shows a lack of self-love and low self-esteem.

2. I want to be with my boyfriend all the time because I don’t know how to communicate my needs 

I have people-pleasing tendencies and initially, I would avoid telling my partner how I felt because I didn’t want to upset him. 

Perhaps you were taught as well that to be a good partner, you must give generously. 

There’s truth to this statement but if you’re beginning to feel suffocated or emotionally drained, chances are you’ve been neglecting your own needs. 

For example, you always go to where he wants to eat for dinner even though you’d prefer to go somewhere else. 

Or you choose to wash the dishes every time even though you’d appreciate it if he did it instead. 

Such behavior stems from a need to avoid conflict and maintain approval which can be detrimental to your emotional well-being. 

Now if something doesn’t feel right or I feel that my needs aren’t met, I would express them to my partner to avoid further resentment. 

3. I don’t want to be alone 

Another reason why you want to be with your boyfriend all the time is because you don’t want to be alone. 

Choosing to be with someone because they make you feel less alone suggests that you only value them for their presence, not because of who they are. 

Our partners cannot always be there for us so we must learn how to be comfortable in our own company. 

4. He is the only person that can soothe me 

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It’s nice that you’ve met someone who can make you feel calm. However, if he’s your only source of comfort, then this will perpetuate a dependent relationship. 

You don’t want to be a partner who merely uses their partner to soothe them. It’s important to remember that our boyfriends are human too and have their own emotional needs to tend to. 

By learning to regulate your emotions, you can also cultivate more self-confidence and be less dependent on your partners. 

5. I want to be with my boyfriend all the time because he is responsible for my happiness 

There’s a misconception that our entire lives should be centered around our romantic relationships because it’s the one thing that can make us happy. 

This is simply not true. I used to expect my partner to fulfill all my needs and got upset when he didn’t know how to calm me down or plan dates. 

I realized that I didn’t communicate with him how I’d like to be treated and also I was relying on him too much to make me happy.

It’s important to know what you need and value in a relationship but when we impose unrealistic expectations on our partners, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. 

There are so many things outside of our relationship that also make our lives happy and whole such as our friends, family, personal ambitions, and hobbies. 

You and your boyfriend should find time to do things on your own so that you can still maintain a sense of individuality. 

A healthy, loving relationship is where two people come together to co-create a partnership while still maintaining their sense of self. 

What Do I Do When I Want To Be With My Boyfriend All The Time? (10 Tips)

Here are 10 steps to consider if you want to know what to do when you find yourself thinking “I want to be with my boyfriend all the time”. 

If you’ve been completely dependent on your boyfriend, then read this with an open mind. 

1. Look inward if you’re wondering why I want to be with my boyfriend all the time 

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Spend some time journaling your thoughts. Ask yourself: 

• Why do I want to be with your boyfriend all the time? 
• What have I neglected since being in a relationship? 
• How does this make me feel?

The purpose of journaling is to build self-awareness and help you understand your behavior. Be honest with yourself. 

If you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed, pause, take a deep breath, and return to your writing once you’re calm. 

2. Be kind to yourself 

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You might uncover some truths that you’re ashamed of. For instance, you feel embarrassed that you’ve prioritized your boyfriend too much over your friends. 

Or you feel guilty that you’ve neglected your family. It’s good that you’ve acknowledged these feelings but do forgive and be kind to yourself. 

Accept any mistakes you’ve made (you’re human after all), be self-compassionate, and work towards shifting your behavior. 

3. Identify what matters to you outside of this relationship 

A few years ago, my friends and I started an accountability group. We share what goals we want to pursue and how we want to achieve them. 

We used The Wheel Of Life to determine our focus areas. The Wheel Of Life highlights ten areas that we need to work on to live a holistic life. They are:

1. God and purpose
2. Health and fitness
3. Business and career
4. Love and romance
5. Home and family
6. Friends and social
7. Fun and relaxation
8. Money and finance
9. Knowledge and wisdom
10. Community and collaboration

Usually, coaches will ask their clients to rate each area, identify which areas need improvement, and actionable steps to get there. 

I’ve personally benefitted from this practice as it’s made me realize that my happiness isn’t completely dependent on another person. 

You don’t have to use this guide entirely but it’s a good reference point to help you think about which areas, outside of your relationship, that you want to focus on. 

4. Set your goals 

Now that you’ve established what areas you want to work on, set realistic goals. 

James Clear who wrote the famous self-development book, Atomic Habits, says that we are more likely to commit to our goals if we practice “identity-based” habits rather than “outcome-based” habits. 

“Outcome-based” habits focus on what we want to achieve whereas “identity-based” habits focus on who we wish to become. 

The latter has a more lasting impact because it continuously inspires us to maintain who we want to be rather than the former which is encouraging us to accomplish goals for the sake of achievement. 

To help create “identity-based” goals, James has listed two steps: 

1. Decide the type of person you want to be 

2. Prove it to yourself with small steps 

Do you want to be a better friend? Your small step could be scheduling a call with 1 friend every month. Eventually, you will create an identity that isn’t completely centered around your relationship. 

5. Communicate with your boyfriend how you feel 

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Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel. 

Phrase it in a way that puts your feelings at the center and not in a way that is judgmental towards your boyfriend. 

You can say “I feel that I’ve neglected my friends and family since I’ve been in this relationship, and need to schedule time for them”. 

Or “I want to be more intentional with how I spend my time. I hope you’ll support me as I focus on improving other areas of my life”. 

Reassure him that you’re still committed to this relationship but you need to work on your other goals. 

I’m sure he’ll understand and support your decision if he’s kind. 

If he reacts negatively or throws a tantrum, I would advise you to seriously reconsider this relationship. 

6. Establish boundaries and what you both need  

Boundaries refer to rules of engagement that make us feel safe. It’s identifying what behavior you’re comfortable with and what isn’t. 

If you’re co-dependent, you might not be used to communicating your needs as you normally prioritize your boyfriend’s needs. 

For instance, perhaps you initially didn’t mind spending time with your boyfriend but now it’s starting to become emotionally draining. 

A person without boundaries would suppress how they feel to avoid offending their boyfriend. However, this will only make you feel resentful as you’re not respecting your boundaries and needs. 

So communicate with your boyfriend that you enjoy spending time with him but you need to schedule time to be apart. 

Discuss an arrangement that works for both of you and ensure that the compromise is one that you’re both satisfied with. 

I want to emphasize that this discussion will make you feel uncomfortable especially when you’re not used to communicating your needs but don’t take discomfort as a sign to step away but rather lean in. 

When you set healthy boundaries, you’ll think less of wanting to be with your boyfriend all the time. 

7. Get comfortable spending time alone 

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Spending time alone is a great way to continue building a sense of self. You can do this by walking, exercising, taking up a hobby, or exploring other interests. 

This practice of being on your own allows you to get to know yourself and understand what you like about yourself, what your strengths are, and what you’d like to improve upon. 

Being alone can also help reaffirm that you don’t need to be with “my boyfriend” all the time to make you happy. Happiness is a choice and you have control over it. 

8. Continue improving your self-esteem 

If you think negatively of yourself, judge yourself frequently, and lack confidence in your abilities, then you need to start working on improving your self-esteem. 

Some practices you can start to improve your self-esteem: 

• Write down the qualities you admire about yourself so you can refer to them when you’re feeling down 
• Write one thing you’re grateful for every day to uplift your mood 
• Write down positive self-affirmations such as “I am worthy of love”, “I am confident” etc., and say them in front of the mirror every morning 
• Do a meditative practice such as meditation, journaling, and/or breath work to regulate your nerves and help you stay grounded 

You may pick one or two that resonates with you. The goal is to practice these exercises consistently so that you’ll challenge any negative thoughts and improve your self-esteem. 

I understand that you’ll experience low mood swings or no motivation to improve sometimes, and that’s okay. 

So long as you pick up where you left off and practice one small action every day, you will begin to notice a shift in your self-esteem. 

9. Speak with a therapist if you’d like to explore why I want to be with my boyfriend all the time 

If you have the financial means, you can consider speaking to a licensed therapist to help navigate your situation. 

A therapist can help you uncover further reasons why you need to be with your boyfriend all the time. 

They can also equip you with the tools you need to reframe your thinking and improve your behavior. 

10. Reassess the relationship 

If your boyfriend responds by not being supportive of your decision and wants you to be with him all the time, this indicates controlling and manipulative behavior. 

I highly advise that you end the relationship if this is the case. You should feel safe enough to live a life that’s also independent of your relationship and not be trapped by it. 

Frequently Asked Questions 

Is it healthy to always want to be with your boyfriend?

Depending on your partner to always be by your side creates an unhealthy connection. A healthy relationship is when two independent people unite. 

Spending all your time with your boyfriend creates a lack of boundaries, and builds resentment, and emotional instability. 

What is the 70-30 rule in relationships?

Ideally, you should spend 70% of your time together and 30% of your time apart. Your time apart should be spent on your hobbies or enjoying interests with like-minded people. 

You’ll maintain your sense of self and feel like you’re not losing yourself in the relationship. 

Conclusion 

Being in a relationship means balancing between giving and receiving, independence and co-creating, being yourself, and journeying life together. 

It’s all fun and exciting when you want to be with your boyfriend all the time. However, it doesn’t mean putting your boyfriend on a pedestal and neglecting the other parts of your life that make you whole. 

You must instead aspire towards a relationship that is built on mutual love and respect. All the best.