How To Get Over A Long-Distance Relationship Break-Up 

Long-distance relationship break-ups are tough regardless of who initiated them. It’s the last thing you’d hope for in a relationship. 

You must be feeling hurt, upset, and uncertain about how to navigate this post-break-up situation. Well, I hope that my article can offer some insight on how to move forward. 

If you’re in a situation where you’re still contemplating whether to end things, I also share what the long-distance relationship break-up signs are and how to initiate a long-distance relationship break-up. 

Summary

• Long-distance relationship break-up signs (3 key signs) 
• How to end a long-distance relationship (6 steps) 
• How to recover from a long-distance relationship break up (15 steps) 
• Frequently asked questions 
  • How to know when a long-distance relationship is over? 
  • Can long-distance destroy relationships? 
  • How long can a long-distance relationship last without seeing each other? 
• Conclusion 

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• Jealousy In A Long-Distance Relationship (10 Top Tips) 
• When To Call It Quits In A Long-Distance Relationship (15 Signs) 

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Long-Distance Relationship Break-Up Signs (3 Key Signs) 

I’ve shared an extensive list in my previous article on what the long-distance relationship break-up signs are. 

However, I understand that thinking about breaking up can feel overwhelming so I’ve narrowed the signs down to three crucial long-distance relationship break up signs. 

1. When you no longer share the same vision 

For a long-distance relationship to work, there must be a mutual agreement that you both intend to close the gap eventually. 

This means you’re working towards being physically together in the long run. This looks different for each long-distance couple. 

For some, it could be working towards marriage, for others it could be trying to get a job where your partner is based. 

If no discussion has been made about your long-term plan as a couple, then you need to have this conversation with your partner. 

If you have, then ask yourself how did you feel afterward? Were you both in agreement on your long-term plan? 

If there was hesitation from your partner’s end or if it sounded like they were making excuses, then chances are you both aren’t on the same page. 

Ask yourself, what are your expectations in this relationship? Is it someone who is committed to working towards being physically together? And what would that look like? 

Is it you moving to where your partner is or vice versa? Is it moving to a new country altogether? 

For a long-distance relationship to thrive, there must be a shared end goal. Otherwise, you need to consider this a long-distance relationship break up sign and move on. 

2. When your values don’t align 

Have you discussed with your partner what you want your future to look like? It’s important to address this question because you want to be with someone who wants the same things you do. 

Of course, I don’t mean you both must have the same hobbies and interests but rather you share the same fundamental values.  

Ask yourself, what fundamental values are important to you and how would you like to apply them in your relationship. Brene Brown has an exhaustive list of values that you can refer to. 

For example, is family a fundamentally important value to you? Do you both want to have kids in the future? 

Another common one is faith. Some people choose to be in a committed relationship with those who practice the same religion. Is this important for you too? 

If you find that you and your partner aren’t aligned in your values, discuss if there are any specific values you’re willing to compromise on. Otherwise, this would be a long-distance relationship break up sign. 

3. When you’ve used all methods to resolve conflict 

If you’ve gotten into an argument with your partner and all you’re thinking about is breaking up with him, I’d advise you to take a step back. 

Is this argument due to a lack of understanding or a lack of love? 

Often, couples get into an argument because they aren’t able to see and understand the other’s perspective. 

So, if there’s a conflict in your relationship that’s making you contemplate breaking up, reflect and identify if the conflict can be resolved. 

It might take some time but if both parties are willing to listen and communicate how to resolve the conflict, then you’re better off staying in the relationship. 

However, if you find that even after the discussion you can’t seem to move forward together, then you should consider breaking up. 

How To End a Long-Distance Relationship (6 Steps) 

Now that you’ve identified the long-distance relationship break up signs, it’s time to work towards ending the relationship. 

Choosing to end a relationship is hard and there’s truly no easy way to do it, but I hope these steps will give you some idea of how you want to move forward with it. 

1. Gather your thoughts 

Once you’ve decided to end this long-distance relationship, take some time to gather your thoughts. 

You might start procrastinating your decision to avoid feeling hurt. In such moments, it’s important to look at the bigger picture. A relief now will hurt you in the long run.

So whenever you start second-guessing your decision, remind yourself why you’re choosing to end things. 

2. Initiate the conversation 

There’s no right or wrong time to initiate the conversation but preferably choose a time when you’re both not distracted by other obligations. 

Considering that this is a long-distance relationship, initiating this conversation in person might be challenging especially when you’re not seeing each other in person any time soon. 

Personally, depending on the urgency of the breakup, I feel it’s acceptable to have this conversation over video call. 

However, if you’d rather wait and address this in person, that’s fine too. It’s entirely up to your comfort preference. 

3. Lay it down gently 

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Again, it’s going to be difficult navigating this conversation as your emotions might run high so try your best to be mindful of your breathing.  

As soon as you feel anxious, take a moment to calm yourself before you start the conversation. You can start it with “There’s no easy way to say this, but I’m choosing to end this relationship”. 

While we cannot anticipate how our partner will react to this, ensure that you maintain eye contact and be ready to console them. 

4. Be honest about your reasons 

Explain to your partner why you’ve chosen to end the long-distance relationship. If they want to make things right, be firm with your decision. 

5. Listen empathetically to your partner 

Your partner might need further clarification or would like to share their perspective on the matter. In scenarios like this, you must be ready to listen empathetically. 

They’re most likely feeling hurt and confused (if they didn’t anticipate the break-up), so you must offer them a safe space to be vulnerable with you. 

6. Stay with them for as little or as long as they need 

Your partner might need some time to process this news. 

They might want to cut you off completely or they might need you to hold their hand as you experience this breakup together. 

People process their emotions differently and ending a relationship can result in a form of grief. You’re essentially grieving the loss of a loved one and the loss of a future with this person. 

Letting go is a process so be prepared to do so with your ex-partner. 

How To Recover From A Long-Distance Relationship Break-Up (15 Steps) 

1. Embrace the emotions 

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Breakups, whether we initiated them or not, are difficult so be ready to embrace the emotions. 

Learn to notice these feelings such as sadness and pain and allow them to pass through your body. It’s the best way to release these emotions rather than suppress them. Another way is through crying. 

So don’t be ashamed if you need a good cry as it releases any tension and hurt you’re experiencing. 

2. Manage your expectations 

I’ve noticed that people recovering from a breakup set unrealistic deadlines for when they will fully heal and move on. 

Some argue that getting over a breakup can range from 6 to 12 months depending on the length and intensity of your relationship. 

So, be sure to manage your expectations when it comes to how long your healing journey will be. Striving for inner peace is a process that you can afford to take your time with. 

3. Practice self-compassion 

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Another way to get over a long-distance relationship break-up is by practicing self-compassion. 

You might encounter periods where you’ll feel frustrated that you’re still not over your ex-partner after what has felt like ages since you’ve broken up. 

In situations like this, it’s important to not be hard on yourself. As I mentioned earlier, there’s no timeline for when you’ll fully move on. 

How would you consult your friends if they were in this situation? Often, we offer more compassion to our friends than we do ourselves so learn to say those kind words to yourself. 

4. Gradually distance yourself from your partner 

It will take time to adjust to a life without each other and some couples, especially when there’s no animosity, choose to stay in touch, especially during the initial stages of the break-up. 

If you’re in a similar situation, I’d advise you to gradually distance yourself from your partner. 

You might feel like it’s a source of comfort but eventually, you need to let each other go to move forward. So start with reducing the calls or text messages. 

You can check in with each other from once a week to once a month, and then eventually stop the check-ins altogether. 

5. Gradually discard anything associated with your relationship 

A painful but cathartic experience would be to remove anything associated with your relationship. 

This could be photos or items that your partner gifted you. By getting rid of things that no longer serve you, you’re making way for new things. 

6. Avoid going on his social media accounts 

There will be a temptation to scroll through his Instagram feed or Facebook page. However, doing so will serve no purpose in your healing journey. 

It will only make you feel worse so block his socials and get your friends to hold you accountable. 

7. Avoid romanticizing the relationship 

A long-distance relationship break up tip would be to avoid romanticizing the relationship. It’s easy post-break-up to reflect on your relationship with rose-tinted glasses. 

Your emotions are heightened and suddenly you envision your partner as the best person you’ve ever been with. 

While it’s okay to look back at your relationship fondly, it doesn’t do anything to support your healing journey. 

The reality is that your partner isn’t perfect and neither is the relationship. There’s a reason why things ended so remind yourself why it did. 

8. Exercise your body 

Credit: StockSnap 

It’s important to cultivate good habits and practice a routine that can help you in your post-break-up journey. 

One habit you can cultivate is to exercise your body. This can be going for a run, or walk, or signing up for a class. Exercise releases endorphins which makes your body feel good. 

9. Soothe your mind  

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One practice you can try when going through a long-distance relationship break-up is to journal. 

Spend 10 minutes just penning anything that comes to your head. This is a good practice when you’re feeling bogged down by your thoughts. 

Another writing practice could be to write down any small or big wins that you’ve experienced. 

Not only will this boost your self-esteem but your mind will be more focused on working towards creating a better version of yourself rather than dwell on your past relationship. 

10. Spend time with loved ones 

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Experiencing a breakup can make you feel lonely and isolated. However, it’s okay to reach out to your loved ones for emotional support. 

Friends and family who genuinely care will make the effort to be with you during this difficult time. 

Confide in loved ones who’ve been in a similar situation and ask how they got over their ex-partner. 

Notice how they are now. I’m sure they’re well now so I hope they’ll give you the reassurance you need that it does get better. 

11. Seek professional help 

If you have the financial means, you may seek professional help from a licensed therapist or counselor. 

They can offer solutions on how to regulate your emotions, navigate your feelings, and be a listening ear. 

12. Don’t jump into the dating scene for the wrong reasons 

Another long-distance relationship breakup tip is to not jump into dating soon after the breakup. 

It’s important to give yourself space for yourself as you navigate these difficult emotions, and going on dates might not give you the time and energy to do this. 

There’s a high possibility that it might make you feel worse instead as you compare other people to your ex-partner. 

So going on a date with the intention that you’ll find someone to help you get over your previous relationship might backfire.

13. However, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone 

The disclaimer I have with this tip is to do so when enough time has passed and you intend to meet new people. 

Going back into the dating scene after a serious relationship can be daunting so give yourself grace and a pat on the back for starting this process again.  

14. Reflect on your previous relationship 

There will be a time when you’ll want to look back on your relationship. It’s okay to acknowledge that the relationship you had with this person was special. 

Relationships offer us a chance to understand what we value in a relationship and what we look for in a partner. 

So reflect on this one and see what you’d like to bring with you in the next relationship and how you can improve as a partner. 

15. Acknowledge that life will get better 

This is a cliche and you’ll probably get sick of hearing your friends and family tell you this but there is hope on the other side. 

Nothing is temporary and in time this relationship will be a small chapter in the grander book of your life. 

Frequently Asked Questions 

How to know when a long-distance relationship is over?

They don’t share their feelings with you and don’t ask about how you feel are obvious signs that your long-distance partner is over you. Not only has your partner lost interest in what you do, your wants, and your feelings, but they don’t make an effort to connect and make plans. 

Can long-distance destroy relationships?

The unresolved issues that come from differing expectations can kill long-distance relationships. Partners can gradually and painfully drift apart if these different expectations aren’t addressed and compromised. 

How long can a long-distance relationship last without seeing each other?

It varies. Some couples might go long-distance for a month or two, while some can spend years living apart. Having a long-distance partner doesn’t mean the relationship is unhealthy but it does mean more effort is required from both partners in specific areas. 

Conclusion 

Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, the breakup will be difficult for both parties. You’re essentially grieving a life you thought you’d both have. 

My final long-distance relationship break up advice is to not be hard on yourself, trust the process, and remember that it will get better. All the best!