my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad – what do I do?

Firstly, I’m sorry this happened to you. It must be frustrating when your boyfriend hangs up on you when he’s mad and midway through a conversation.

I’ve been in a situation where “My boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad”. After communicating to him that I wasn’t tolerating this behavior, he put in the work to manage his emotions.

Of course, this is just one of many steps we took to not only prevent him from hanging up when he’s mad but also improve our communication.

So if you’d like to know what we did, read further! I hope by the end of this article, you’ll gain clarity over what to do when “my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad”.

Summary

What does it mean when my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad
6 things to do when my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad
7 things you can do to de-escalate tension moving forward
Conclusion

DISCLOSURE

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IN A HURRY? HERE ARE THE KEY TAKEAWAYS:

After he hangs up, see it as a chance for both of you to clear your head.
Once you’re calm, reach out to him (if he hasn’t) and rephrase the conversation by stating how his actions make you feel and what you need from him.
Give him a chance to explain his behavior by listening empathetically.
Moving forward, discuss and apply actions that can help de-escalate tension when you’re in an argument.
This includes reframing the conversation as an “us vs. the problem” scenario to avoid blame and judgment, using humor (when appropriate) to diffuse tension, and being mindful of your breathing.
You can also consider seeking a licensed therapist to help navigate the situation.
Your boyfriend might benefit from it more in terms of helping him regulate and understand his emotions.

What Does It Mean When My Boyfriend Hangs Up On Me When He’s Mad?

1. My boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad because he feels stressed

Your boyfriend might be dealing with challenges that are making him more stressed than usual.

That’s why he gets irritated by minute things and can’t be fully present in this relationship.

I wouldn’t take it personally if he hung up on you if this is the case. It just means that he’s struggling with managing his stress that’s now escalated to anger.

2. my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad because He wants to avoid saying something he’ll regret

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Whether you’re in a heated argument or being provoked by external pressure, you’re more likely to do or say things out of character.

Your boyfriend hangs up on you when he’s mad because he wants to avoid saying something he’ll regret.

3. He doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions

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Another reason you feel that my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad is he doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions.

As soon as he starts feeling angry, he immediately acts out. Rather than learn to manage his anger, he allows it to influence his actions.

4. my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad because that’s His coping mechanism for dealing with anger

Hanging up could be a coping mechanism for dealing with being mad. As mentioned earlier, he hasn’t learned how to regulate his emotions.

He views conflict as something to run away from rather than overcome, so he chooses to avoid it altogether by hanging up on you when he’s mad.

5. He wants to calm himself before his anger escalates

Your boyfriend hangs up on you when he’s mad because he wants to calm down before his anger escalates.

Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to hear him being furious. Given the overwhelming nature anger can be, the best thing he can do is hang up and have a moment to calm down.

He just hasn’t learned to communicate his intentions for hanging up.

6. He doesn’t know how to communicate what he’s feeling

This brings me to my next point – my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad because he doesn’t know how to communicate what he’s feeling.

We’re not normally taught how to identify how we’re feeling and how to communicate them.

Rather than expressing himself, your boyfriend chooses to suppress his emotions, especially ones that are associated with negativity like anger.

So when he feels mad, he behaves irrationally such as hanging up abruptly.

7. my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad because it’s A habit he’s adopted since he was young

Your boyfriend hanging up on you when he’s mad could be a product of his upbringing.

When he was young, he might’ve witnessed his parents going cold when they were mad or they didn’t express how they were feeling during a conflict.

Your boyfriend might be emulating what he witnessed growing up.

6 Things To Do When My Boyfriend Hangs Up On Me When He’s Mad

1. Take a moment to calm down

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Before doing anything else, you must take a step back and calm down.

Start with deep breathing exercises and meditate to center yourself. Ensure your breathing rate is slow and that you feel relaxed.

This would be a good time to reflect on your relationship. A couple of prompts to consider for your reflection:

How does this behavior make you feel?
What do you need from your boyfriend to feel safe?

2. Give your boyfriend space to clear his head

I know you want to immediately reach out to your boyfriend after he’s hung up.

If he’s experiencing any of the reasons mentioned above, then any attempt to reason with him will be futile.

So before reacting, give your boyfriend space to calm down and clear his head.

3. Reach out to him if he hasn’t

When you’re ready, reach out to him by sending him a text message. Check-in and ask if he’s calm down and if you both can speak again.

Reassure him over text that you don’t want to pick an argument. The source of his anger could be due to the conversation you had previously or external reasons.

Whatever it is, make it clear your intention to have this conversation is to understand and navigate the issue together.

Framing it as an issue you intend to solve together (us vs. the issue) rather than an argument (me vs. you) will hopefully encourage your boyfriend to open up.

4. Express how you feel using “I” statements

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Given the sensitivity of this topic and his behavior, ease into the conversation with “I” statements.

Phrasing it this way will put the attention onto you and how his actions make you feel.

For example, “I’ve noticed that you hang up whenever a conversation gets heated between us”.

“I feel upset when this happens because we’re not able to resolve the matter. I want us to be better at communicating our feelings despite the discomfort”

This communicates what you’ve noticed, how it makes you feel, and what you need from your boyfriend.

Had you started with “You” statements like “You always hang up on me when you’re mad”, this will trigger him to be more upset because it sounds like you’re judging his character.

5. Listen empathetically to his perspective

To understand why “my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad”, give him a chance to explain his behavior.

Ensure that you’re practicing empathy when listening to him. Empathetic listening means listening to understand.

It means attempting to relate to the person’s situation by channeling the same emotion they’re experiencing.

You can do this by maintaining eye contact, nodding to acknowledge their points, and only interrupting when seeking clarification.

I hope by the end of this conversation, you have a better understanding as to why my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad.

6. Explain how conflict can be an opportunity for growth

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Once you’ve resolved the matter and you’re both calm, have a debrief on the conversation.

If your boyfriend hangs up on you when he’s mad because he hates conflict, then explain to him that conflict can be viewed as a learning opportunity.

Disagreements are bound to arise in relationships so it’s important to learn how to address them with each other.

By shifting his perspective on conflict as something positive, he will hopefully be more willing to address it head-on rather than avoid it altogether.

7 Things You Can Do To De-Escalate Tension Moving Forward

1. Reframe the conversation so it centers on resolving a matter together

If you’re about to confront your boyfriend about an issue, be mindful of how you approach the matter. Before any confrontation, phrase the conversation as a discussion.

Whether it’s his behavior or an external matter like finances or distribution of chores, enter the conversation with the understanding that this is a challenge you need to resolve together.

In this case, the issue is that your boyfriend hangs up when he’s mad, so this conversation intends to understand why he does this and how you can navigate this behavior together.

2. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a practice where you focus on being fully present in what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment.

Meditation is the exercise one does to improve mindfulness. Often, we are consumed by the thoughts in our heads and the emotions from our bodies.

Meditation then trains our minds to be better at noticing and separating these thoughts from our consciousness.

The better we get at noticing these unhelpful thoughts and emotions before they consume us, the better we are at being mindful.

This practice would be beneficial for you and especially your boyfriend who is prone to hanging up abruptly when he’s mad.

The more mindful he is, the better he’ll be at identifying when he’s angry. He can then be better at calming himself down and focusing the conversation.

3. Communicate a request for pause if needed

Personally, there’s nothing wrong with ending a conversation mid-way, especially when it starts feeling intense.

However, these are the social codes you and your partner should adhere to if a pause is required:

Communicate how you’re feeling in the moment
Explain that you need to take a step back from this conversation
Reassure the other person that you’ll resume this conversation when you’re calm

4. Learn to identify and regulate emotions during an argument

I know it’s easier said than done, but you must learn to identify and regulate your emotions during an argument.

You won’t get it right all the time, but actively taking small steps to manage your emotions during a fight will help improve how you resolve conflict together.

One tip you can practice is to be mindful of your breathing. If your heart starts beating fast, take deep breaths and calm yourself.

Another suggestion is to focus on the issue at hand, not the emotions that the issue is triggering.

You can also pause and check in with the other person about how they’re feeling. Asking each other will encourage each other to be aware of their emotions.

Learning to separate the issue from your emotions will help you resolve the matter and gradually have you no longer saying my boyfriend hangs up on me when he’s mad.

5. Use humor to diffuse tension

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Another way to avoid your boyfriend hanging up on you when he’s mad is to use humor.

I’m not suggesting to trivialize the matter but when things do get heated, sometimes you need to take a step back and laugh at the situation.

Of course, don’t start making jokes when he’s looking for support and empathy. Incorporate humor when you feel is needed and certainly when it’s appropriate.

6. Set boundaries

Another step you must take is to assert your boundaries. Boundaries refer to actions, words, and behavior that you will and will not tolerate.

They’re considered rules of engagement and if anyone breaks these rules, it’s overstepping your boundaries.

Ask yourself, what behavior will you not tolerate? Once you’ve identified what they are, communicate this to your boyfriend.

For instance, I don’t tolerate rudeness so if my boyfriend has said something rude, I immediately tell him that I don’t appreciate it.

If you’re not going to tolerate your boyfriend abruptly hanging up on you when he’s mad, communicate this with him.

Also, be clear about what the consequences are if he does this next time, and commit to it.

If the consequence of him hanging abruptly is that you won’t speak to him for the rest of the day, ensure that you enforce this.

Otherwise, he will not take accountability for his actions.

7. Seek professional support

If you have the financial means, you can consider speaking to a licensed therapist or relationship counselor to help you navigate this matter.

Speaking to a neutral third party will offer you a different perspective on how to view your situation and offer practical solutions that you can implement.

I also want to stress that it’s not your responsibility to teach your boyfriend how to regulate his emotions.

You can support him on his journey towards self-improvement but he needs to take accountability for his actions so seeking professional help will be especially beneficial for him.

Conclusion

I can understand the frustration you’re feeling when your boyfriend hangs up on you when he’s mad.

I hope that you’ll be able to have an empathetic conversation about this matter and that he’s willing to improve his behavior. All the best!