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My Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself – What Do I Do? 

“My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself”. Firstly, I’m sorry that he makes you feel this way. It’s not a nice feeling when the person you lean on for comfort makes you feel worse. 

Before we dive into what to do when “My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself”, I want to understand the context of your situation. 

How does he make you feel bad about yourself? Simply put, the way he makes you feel bad can be categorized under two main themes: How he treats you and how he consoles you. 

Depending on the severity of his words and actions, it’s clear that you should consider leaving this relationship. 

However, I’m guessing you’re reading this article because you want to know if there’s any hope of saving this relationship. 

For instance, if it’s just a matter of him being bad at consoling you, then this justifies a discussion. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend. Being a solutions-oriented person, he was always ready to offer advice. 

While his intentions were well, it only made me feel worse. I had to explain that I wanted him to listen and acknowledge my feelings, not try to correct them. 

If you’re in a similar situation, I’m here to assure you that what you’re feeling is valid. So read further if you’d like to know what to do when my boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself. 

Summary 

  • 6 behaviors to look out for when my boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself 
  • 8 things to do when my boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself 
  • Conclusion 

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In a hurry? Here are the key takeaways: 

  • There are two ways your boyfriend can make you feel bad about yourself: how he treats you and how he consoles you. 
  • If he criticizes your choices, doesn’t celebrate your successes, insults you, makes you feel guilty for spending time with your friends, and defends his behavior, then I would reconsider staying in this relationship. 
  • If it’s a matter of not knowing you to console, raise this concern and tell him how you’d like to be comforted. 
  • Avoid saying “You statements” like “You don’t know how to comfort me” as this will make him get defensive. 
  • Lean in using “I statements” like “I feel bad when you dismiss my feelings. I need you to just listen when I’m ranting” so that the focus is on what you need specifically. 
  • You can speak with a licensed therapist or a trusted friend if you need a third person to help navigate this matter. 

6 Behaviors To Look Out For When My Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself 

I’ve listed down 6 ways in which your boyfriend can make you feel bad about yourself. The first one can be resolved while the rest might be signs for you to reconsider this relationship. 

Not all of them might apply to your relationship so consider the ones that feel relevant to you. 

1. My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself by not offering me the support I need 

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Credit: Tumisu

How does your boyfriend respond when you need to be consoled? Does he listen to you when you’re ranting? Does he acknowledge your feelings? 

Or does he dismiss your feelings and offer solutions instead? If you resonate with the latter, then chances are he makes you feel bad because he doesn’t know how to comfort you. 

His intentions might be harmless but clearly, his behavior isn’t making you feel better. I wouldn’t call this a sign to leave the relationship but rather a call to look inward. 

Identify what support you need and communicate to him how you’d like to be treated. How he responds will determine whether he’s a keeper or someone you should reconsider. 

2. My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself by criticizing my choices 

Does your boyfriend always judge you for the choices you’ve made? It could be something as small as what you’re wearing to something important like what job to pursue. 

Do you feel doubtful and lose confidence whenever he criticizes you? In situations like this, it’s clear that he’s putting you down. 

Why he does this is because he’s trying to make himself feel superior or he’s projecting his expectations onto you. 

He’s choosing to view you against a list of standards he has for you. For instance, he wants you to dress a certain way or work at a certain job. 

Not only is this harmful towards you but it shows that he doesn’t truly see you for who are nor does he care to. 

3. My boyfriend doesn’t celebrate my wins 

How does your boyfriend respond when you’ve achieved anything? Is he excited for you? Does he go out of his way to celebrate you? 

If his immediate reaction isn’t to congratulate you or wish you well for your success, then I would think twice about staying in this relationship. 

I know how difficult it can be to pursue a goal and to finally declare that you’ve achieved it must be exciting. 

But to know that your boyfriend isn’t as excited or supportive of your win can discourage you. This is not the energy you want to surround yourself with. 

4. He makes me feel guilty for spending time with my friends

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Credit: RyanMcGuire  

If my boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself for spending time with my friends, I would leave him. 

For me, it’s important to cultivate relationships outside of your romantic ones. I value my friendships dearly and I made this clear with my boyfriend when we started dating. 

Unless you’ve been completely neglecting your boyfriend for your friends, I don’t think it’s fair for him to guilt trip you for this. 

If he’s making you feel guilty for spending time with your friends for no reason, then it sounds like he’s trying to isolate you from your other support networks. 

5. My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself by insulting me 

If your boyfriend makes you feel bad by insulting you be it privately or publicly, then it’s clear he doesn’t respect you. There’s no excuse for him to embarrass you or belittle you. 

If you start feeling hurt or you don’t feel safe around him, then take this as a sign that you should leave this relationship. 

6. My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself by defending his behavior

Your boyfriend says something that offends your feelings and you call him out on it. Instead of apologizing, he chooses to dismiss your feelings instead and tells you it was just a joke. 

There’s nothing wrong with bantering with each other but if the joke comes across as offensive to you, it’s clear that he’s overstepped a boundary and you are allowed to call him out on it. 

If he tells you you’re overreacting, then I would suggest you think twice about this relationship. 

8 Things To Do When My Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself 

Below are several things you can do to navigate this situation:

1. Process your emotions 

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Credit: tanvimalik 

If you catch yourself second-guessing your feelings or making up excuses for your boyfriend’s behavior, I’m here to tell you to stop! 

By continuing to ignore whenever your boyfriend makes you feel bad about yourself, you’re only going to make yourself feel worse in the long run. 

Rather than dismiss it, acknowledge these negative emotions by putting a label on them for example, “I feel angry”. This is to separate yourself from the emotion. 

Write down what made you feel this way and then give yourself space to sit with this emotion and allow it to fade on its own.  

The point of this exercise is not to be consumed by this emotion but rather view it as something to be understood and released. 

2. Reflect on the relationship 

When you’re in a more calm state, I hope you give yourself a moment to compare the behaviors mentioned earlier in this article against your relationship and see if any of them resonate with you. 

List down any other ways that your boyfriend has made you feel bad about yourself. 

This list will come in handy when you need to address this matter with your boyfriend as you need to specify how he’s made you feel bad. 

3. Communicate how you feel 

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Now that you’ve gathered your thoughts, schedule a time for you to discuss this matter with him. 

It’s important to use the “I statement” rather than the “You statement” for conversations like this. 

“You statements” like “You always make me feel bad” or “You never say anything nice about me” sound generic and will invite your boyfriend to defend himself rather than listen to you. 

Using “I statement” will center the conversation around you and how his actions make you feel. 

For instance, “I feel bad when you try to give solutions whenever I rant. I just need you to listen and acknowledge my emotions at that moment”. 

This statement states how you feel (i.e. bad), specifies what behavior (i.e. offering solutions during your rant) made you feel this way, and what you need from your boyfriend (i.e. to listen to you).  

It will take time to express yourself in this manner especially when you’re not used to it so you can write these statements down before the conversation to help you prepare. 

4. Listen and observe how he responds 

Allow your boyfriend to explain himself. You may actively listen to him by maintaining eye contact, nodding in acknowledgment, and interrupting only to clarify any points. 

If he shows genuine remorse for his actions, apologizes sincerely, and is willing to improve his behavior, then I would take it as a good step forward. 

But the next step is to see whether he follows through his words with his actions. 

If he continues to defend or dismiss your feelings despite explaining how you feel calmly, then I recommend ending the relationship. 

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel safe and supported (even more so during these discussions), not with someone who makes you say “My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself”. 

5. Explain how you’d like to be consoled 

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If the way he comforts you is what’s making you feel bad, then discuss how you’d like to be treated. 

Here are some suggestions that your boyfriend can practice next time:

  • Whenever you’re ranting, he should allow you to speak without interruption.
  • Listen for the feeling that you’re trying to convey. For example, if you’re complaining about a task at work, your boyfriend should identify that you’re stressed, not the details relating to the task. 
  • If he doesn’t identify the correct emotion you’re feeling, it’s okay to be forward and tell him what it is. 
  • Validate your feelings. 
  • Ask what you need to feel better. He should only offer solutions when you’ve asked for them. 

I hope such practices will make you think less of “My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself”.  

6. Be patient 

Be patient with your boyfriend as he tries to improve his ways. If you catch him being solutions-oriented when you didn’t ask for it, give him a nudge or suggest a code word to signal him what he’s doing.

Remember it’s a journey and so long as he’s committed to improving himself, then you should be setting yourself up for success. 

As a show of encouragement, you can also thank him or show gratitude when he’s shown genuine care to you. 

You can ask him in return how he likes to be consoled for future reference. 

7. Seek professional help 

If you’re struggling to navigate this together and have the financial means, you can consult with a licensed therapist or relationship counselor. 

Otherwise, you can seek advice from someone you trust. Having a third neutral party can help you identify how to overcome the challenges you’re experiencing. 

8. End the relationship 

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As I mentioned earlier if your boyfriend continues to dismiss your feelings or defend himself despite explaining how you feel calmly, then I would advise you to end the relationship. 

This is already enough indication that he’s not serious about building a loving and kind relationship with you. 

If you still want to give him the benefit of the doubt and he continues to exhibit the 6 behaviors mentioned earlier, then I would still advise you to break it off. 

Conclusion 

If your boyfriend acknowledges how his actions have made you feel and is apologetic about it, then it’s worth sticking around and seeing how he treats you afterward. 

If he demonstrates effort in improving his behavior to make you feel safe, then that’s great! You shouldn’t tolerate anything less than that. If he continues to make you feel bad, then break it off. 

I know it’s easier said than done but I want to emphasize that you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel safe and loved, not bad about yourself. All the best.