There comes a point in your relationship when you realize, “My girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to”. Normally, this might seem trivial but it could indicate a negative shift in the relationship.
Being a naturally anxious person, I used to assume the worst when my boyfriend didn’t text me like he normally would.
I had to remind myself to take a step back and ask myself if I was catastrophizing the situation or if this was a genuine red flag. I eventually confronted him and he simply said he was busy with work and forgot to mention it to me.
So before assuming the worst, it’s important to collect your thoughts and communicate your concerns with your girlfriend.
If there fundamentally isn’t anything wrong in your relationship, then chances are it’s not as bad as you think.
You can read further if you’d like to know why “My girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to” and what to do about it.
Summary
- 9 reasons my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to
- 8 things to do when my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to
- Frequently asked questions
- Is it normal for a girlfriend to text less?
- Can a girl like you but not text you?
- Conclusion
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9 Reasons My Girlfriend Doesn’t Text Me Like She Used To
There are multiple reasons why “my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to”. Of course, the best way to know the actual reason is by confronting her but you can consider these and see if it applies to your relationship.
1. She feels secure enough not to text you
One of the main reasons why “my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to” is because she feels secure enough not to text you.
From your perspective, your girlfriend texting you makes you feel secure in this relationship because it indicates that she’s thinking about you or she wants to know what you’re up to.
However, your girlfriend probably doesn’t think this way. She gets reassurance from you and feels secure in this relationship via other means hence why she doesn’t prioritize texting you.
2. Your girlfriend not texting like she used to means a gradual shift in the relationship
It’s normal for couples to text frequently especially when both parties are interested in each other and are in the stage of getting to know each other.
Once you both have made it clear that you’re mutually exclusive, the text messages gradually become less frequent and shorter. Hence, the belief that “my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to”.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that the connection is fading but rather that there’s a gradual shift in the relationship. In situations like this, it’s important to reflect on the other ways you both stay connected.
Just because the mode of communication differs, doesn’t mean the connection is no longer there.
3. Your girlfriend doesn’t think she needs to text you like before
This is related to the previous point but your girlfriend doesn’t text you like she used to because she doesn’t think she needs to.
As previously mentioned, it’s normal to text frequently and send longer messages during the initial stages of dating. The goal of texting is to get to know someone and gauge how the other person feels about them.
However, once you’re in a relationship, texting no longer becomes necessary. From your girlfriend’s perspective, it could be that she doesn’t text you like she used to because you’ve already established a relationship and she doesn’t think texting is required to maintain it.
4. Your girlfriend is too busy to text you like she used to
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It’s crucial to remember that our partners do have lives outside of this relationship. If you’re thinking, “My girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to”, it could be that your girlfriend is too busy at work currently or is preoccupied with urgent matters.
Reflect on your relationship and ask yourself if your girlfriend has been distracted with work lately. It could be the relationship has got nothing to do with why she hasn’t been texting you like she used to.
5. You see each other more often so your girlfriend doesn’t text you like she used to
Now that you’re in a relationship, it could be that your girlfriend doesn’t bother to text you like she used to because you see each other more often now.
If your girlfriend knows that you’re going to see each other or you both live together, then she probably wants to share her updates and thoughts in person. Texting would mean that she won’t have anything to share with you when she sees you.
6. Your girlfriend prefers to call you instead of texting like she used to
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“My girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to” but that doesn’t mean she’s no longer interested in you. You’ve reached a point in the relationship where she feels comfortable to just talk to you over the phone.
It could also indicate her preference. My boyfriend and I used to text frequently but as our relationship progressed, my boyfriend started calling me. He preferred to call me because he felt he could express himself better.
Even if it was to tell me he was on the way home, he would rather call to tell me than text. Perhaps your girlfriend feels the same way.
7. Your girlfriend needs space
Do you and your girlfriend live together? Or do you see each other every day? If you’re now seeing each other more frequently, it could be “my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to” because she needs space from this relationship by not texting you.
This doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you any less but it’s important to establish a sense of self and a life that’s not completely dictated by your romantic relationship.
Your girlfriend has work, her friends, and family to see and she’s probably choosing to focus on this rather than text you. Especially when she knows that she’s seeing you in person.
8. Your girlfriend is bored of texting
The reason your girlfriend doesn’t text you like she used to is simply because she’s bored of texting. Texting can be a hassle and text messages can often be misinterpreted.
Your girlfriend prefers to communicate with you in person because she might feel more connected to you this way rather than exchanging text messages which can feel repetitive and monotonous.
9. Your girlfriend’s no longer interested in texting you like she used to
This a tough reason to consider but the reason “My girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to” is because she’s no longer interested. Couples drift apart and it could be that your girlfriend is no longer interested in pursuing this relationship.
However, this is merely speculation and there’s no way to know for sure unless you address the matter with her.
8 Things To Do When My Girlfriend Doesn’t Text Me Like She Used To
1. Challenge assumptions
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It’s normal for us to feel anxious when we feel something in our relationship doesn’t feel right. However, if you begin to catastrophize the situation, this will only make you feel more anxious and not benefit the relationship.
Instead, once you acknowledge your feelings, take a step back and challenge your assumptions. Has your girlfriend stopped texting me like she used to because she doesn’t love me? Or is it because she’s been busy recently?
This exercise will help calm your mind and see the situation for what it is and subsequently make you feel better.
2. Self-reflect
Once you’re feeling calm, take a moment to self-reflect. Ask yourself why your girlfriend not texting you like she used to is a concern for you. Is it because you feel emotionally disconnected? Is it because you lack assurance when she doesn’t text you?
This matter might seem trivial to your girlfriend but by getting to the underlying issues of this matter, it will hopefully make her understand your perspective better.
3. Bring up why your girlfriend doesn’t text you like she used to is a concern
When you’re ready, initiate the conversation. Pick a time and date when you both are in the right headspace to discuss this matter.
Tell your girlfriend how you feel when she doesn’t text you like she used to. Avoid using “you statements” when raising your concerns as it will invite your girlfriend to defend herself rather than listen.
Phrases like “You don’t text me like before, you don’t care about me” sound accusatory. Instead, phrase it using “I statements” such as “I feel neglected when you don’t text me like you used to. I just want to feel included in your life”.
These statements are good because they focus on how her specific actions make you feel. It’s not a call out on her general character which can make any person feel hurt and unwilling to listen.
Reiterate your points if you have to, the point of this conversation is to make her see and understand your perspective.
4. Practise empathy when your girlfriend explains why she doesn’t text like she used to
It’s crucial that you also give your girlfriend a chance to speak and explain her side of things. When doing so, be empathetic. Empathy means the ability to understand how a person feels and see things from their point of view.
We can’t honestly know why our partners behave the way do unless we are willing to understand them. Empathy is also a crucial trait to have in a successful relationship.
5. Actively listen
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One way to practice empathy is by listening to understand rather than listening to respond. Often, when we’re listening to our partner speak, we immediately want to offer our input.
However, while it might be laced with good intentions, this will only discourage our partners from speaking because we are dismissing their feelings and not fully listening to them.
Instead of responding, you can actively listen to them by paying attention to what they say, maintain eye contact, and nod in agreement. You can interrupt your girlfriend if you need clarification and summarise her points so that you’re both aligned.
6. Make bids for connection
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When my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to, we realize how important it is to carry out small acts consistently to maintain the connection.
As mentioned in my previous article, American psychologist John Gottman refers to these acts as bids. Bids refer to actions that invite our partner to connect with us.
This doesn’t have to be big grand gestures but it can also be small acts of kindness like a hug, a compliment, or a good morning text message.
Discuss with your girlfriend what bids you both can do to maintain the connection. If you want your girlfriend to still text you but she doesn’t want to, discuss a compromise. The goal is to reach an arrangement that you both are comfortable with.
7. Spend quality time together
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If my girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to is a reflection of a lack of emotional connection, then one solution could be to schedule quality time together.
What you liked about how your girlfriend used to text you is that she made you feel included in her life.
If this is what’s missing currently in your relationship and texting is becoming more difficult for your partner, then one compromise would be to schedule a date when you both can properly catch up.
This way you’ll be able to maintain your connection and enjoy each other’s company.
8. Consider breaking up if your girlfriend doesn’t text you like she used to
If you notice that your girlfriend refuses to understand your perspective or doesn’t give any valid reasons, then it might be worth reassessing your relationship.
You should be with someone who is committed to improving themselves and working together to strengthen the relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for girlfriend to text less?
It just means she needs a little time and space once in a while. This is normal and healthy. If this is the reason she’s texting you less, see this as a positive because it shows that she’s secure in this relationship. She’s assured that you won’t judge her if she doesn’t text you.
Can a girl like you but not text you?
Yes, it is definitely possible because texting isn’t the only indication that she loves you. It could be that she doesn’t like to text and not every girl is willing. They might express how they feel through other means so just because they don’t text, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you.
Conclusion
“My girlfriend doesn’t text me like she used to” shouldn’t be treated as an immediate red flag. It’s just an indication that there’s a shift in the relationship and it needs to be examined calmly and closely.
Ultimately, if this is a concern, you need to bring this up with your girlfriend and have an honest conversation about what this means to you and how best to move forward. All the best!