WHAT TO DO WHEN Your Boyfriend Cheats On You But You Still Love Him 

Before addressing the question of what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him, I want you to remove yourself from the relationship first and give yourself time and space to sit with your emotions. 

There’s a lot to ponder when confronted with this question: what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him? 

So you must spend time clearing your head so that you don’t make any rash decisions. 

Now let’s read further if you’d like to know what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him. 

Summary 

• 14 things to consider when wondering what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him 
• Conclusion 

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14 Things To Consider When Wondering What To Do When Your Boyfriend Cheats On You But You Still Love Him 

You must be overwhelmed thinking about what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him. 

I hope this guide will give you the clarity you need to determine what your next steps are. 

1. Give yourself space to sit with your emotions before deciding what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him  

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Before processing the situation, give yourself space to grieve. I can imagine you’re feeling hurt, betrayed, and ashamed that your boyfriend cheated on you. 

You can practice several coping strategies such as crying, journaling, exercising, or listening to music, to navigate these emotions. 

The point of these strategies is to help you release these emotions rather than suppress or deny them so pick one (or a few) that will help you feel relief.  

The pain you’re feeling will still linger after but at least you won’t feel as overwhelmed. 

2. Focus on healthy ways of coping before deciding what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him

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Now, you must take time apart from the relationship and focus on yourself. When we’re overcome with sadness, we want to withdraw from life. To stay in bed and never leave the room. 

I’m here to tell you that your feelings are valid but I hope that you have the strength to move forward. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean pretending like everything is normal but rather identifying a simple routine that you can commit to and practice every day. 

A simple routine could be waking up at a specific time, making the bed, and going for a five-minute walk before work. 

It could be committing yourself to seeing a friend or calling one every week because you know this will make you feel better. 

Taking small steps like these will help you get out of that funk and remind yourself that you’re capable of moving forward. 

3. Remind yourself that you’re not at fault for your boyfriend’s actions 

If your inner voice starts blaming you for your boyfriend’s infidelity, I want to remind you that you aren’t at fault for your boyfriend’s decision to cheat on you. 

Even the happiest couples will experience challenges in their relationship. When this occurs, they would discuss how to navigate it together. 

Your boyfriend had a choice to do the same thing but he chose to cheat on you instead.

So if you catch yourself thinking, “You didn’t spend enough time with him” or “You drove him away”, remind yourself that it doesn’t justify your boyfriend cheating on you. He should’ve confronted you if he had any issues. 

4. Speak kindly to your inner critic 

If your inner critic starts thinking that you’re unworthy of love because your boyfriend cheated on you, respond to it kindly with these affirmations: 

“I am worthy of a love that is safe”, “I deserve to be treated with respect” and/or “His actions are a reflection of his character, not my self-worth”. 

If you’re struggling to speak kindly to yourself, ask yourself how you’d respond if your best friend said this to themselves. You wouldn’t agree with them, would you? 

So imagine that you’re speaking to your friend when responding to your negative thoughts. 

Remember, they’re just thoughts and they don’t necessarily reflect the reality of your situation. 

5. Reflect on your relationship 

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Once you’ve taken sufficient time to focus on yourself, you can begin to address the question of what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him.

It sounds like you’re in a dilemma because you think that love is an indication that this relationship is worth salvaging. Unfortunately, this simply isn’t true. 

I don’t doubt that you still have strong feelings for him but my concern is that your love for him is clouding your judgment and preventing you from seeing the situation for what it truly is. 

That is, regardless of his intentions, he chose to cheat on you and this reveals a lack of disrespect towards you and your relationship. 

You can still love someone and choose not to pursue the relationship if they’ve disrespected you or overstepped your boundaries. 

In this case, loving your boyfriend isn’t enough of a justification to stay in this relationship. 

Rather than dwell on your love towards him, reflect on how he made you feel before he cheated. 

Did he make you feel safe and secure? Did he respect you? Were you able to express how honestly feel? Were you both able to resolve the conflict? 

I hope answering these questions truthfully will give you an indication of whether this relationship truly fulfills your needs. 

6. Think twice if you want to continue pursuing this relationship 

If you still insist on pursuing this relationship, I would encourage you to think about this decision carefully. 

Firstly, ask yourself why you want to hold onto this relationship. Is it because you’re afraid of being alone? 

If fear of being alone is what’s making you stay, then I don’t think this is a sufficient reason. 

Another point to consider is the circumstances surrounding the infidelity. If he’s cheated on you before or multiple times then I believe he’s not worthy of your forgiveness.

If this is his first time and you want to give him a second chance, are you ready to truly forgive him?  This means letting go of any resentment and grudges. 

These questions might sound daunting, but the intention is to help guide you in your decision-making. For matters like this, you must put your own needs first. 

7. Assess his apology and commitment towards this relationship

You must identify whether he’s truly sorry for his actions. If he’s truly remorseful, he wouldn’t hesitate to apologize for his actions nor would he make excuses. 

Pay attention to how his apology made you feel. Did you feel assured? Or did something feel amiss? 

Another thing you must take note of is whether he’s willing to hold himself accountable for his actions. Is he committed to improving himself and earning back your trust? 

Remember love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship but rather the continuous effort by both parties to maintain it will. 

8. Forgive and avoid blaming each other 

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To forgive means that you both will not blame each other for what’s happened. Asserting blame merely pits yourselves against each other. 

It invites defensiveness rather than discussion and you both won’t be able to move past your boyfriend cheating on you. 

Remember that you’re both working as a team to overcome this challenge (i.e. the infidelity). 

Don’t feel obligated to rush this process. It takes time to forgive and heal so have patience. 

9. Assert your boundaries 

While it’s important to be forgiving, it’s equally important that you practice self-respect by making it clear what your boundaries are. 

Boundaries refer to behaviors that you’re comfortable with and how you’d like to be treated by others. 

They are rules of engagement that inform your boyfriend what you need to feel safe in this relationship and what behavior you’ll no longer tolerate.

If it happens again, tell him what the consequences of his actions are, and be sure to follow it through. 

If you’ve told him you’ll leave him the next time he cheats, you must hold yourself accountable to your word. Otherwise, he’ll continue taking advantage of you. 

10. Rebuild the foundations of your relationship 

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A crucial thing to do if you’ve decided to pursue this relationship after your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him is to rebuild trust. 

This requires you to sit down as a team and identify what your boyfriend needs to do to earn your trust. Ensure that your boyfriend follows through on his commitment. 

Another thing you must do is to reconnect with your boyfriend. Relationship expert and psychologist Dr. John Gottman suggests making bids for connection. 

Bids refer to consistent acts of kindness that make our partners feel loved. If our partner turns towards these bids, this will enhance the connection. 

Examples include complimenting our partners, hugging them after a long day at work, or helping them complete a chore they’ve been holding off. 

You may also schedule quality time together so that you both can get reacquainted again. 

This shouldn’t be where you try to resolve problems but rather a chance to make each other feel loved and to have fun. 

11. Seek professional help 

If you have the financial means, I would encourage you to speak to a relationship counselor or licensed therapist to help navigate these issues. 

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed so it’s important to at least speak with someone you trust or a third party that can offer the support you need. 

12. Be prepared to face your loved ones’ reactions 

It’s important to consider that for every action you take, there will be consequences. 

The consequence of getting back with your boyfriend who cheated on you will be met with disapproval from your friends and family.

They’re rightfully concerned that your boyfriend will cheat on you again and continue to hurt you. Be prepared to address any concerns should they bring it up. 

If they don’t approve of your decision, know that it comes from a place of love and believing that you deserve better. 

13. Move on from this relationship if you’re still wondering what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him

What to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him? Well, sometimes the simple answer is to leave him. 

As I mentioned earlier, you can still love someone and choose not to pursue the relationship if they’ve disrespected you or overstepped your boundaries. 

If you choose to end the relationship, know that you are worthy of someone who will treat you right.

14. Continue working on yourself 

Regardless of whether you choose to repair the relationship or break it off, remember to continue working on yourself. 

This means learning more about what you need in a relationship, exploring your interests, and spending time with your loved ones. 

The aim is to develop a strong sense of self so that you know who you are and what behavior you will not tolerate. 

Conclusion 

Whatever decision you make, I hope it’s based on what is best for you and not on love alone. 

Love isn’t a sign to stay. You can love someone and still choose not to be with him, especially when they’ve betrayed your trust. 

If repairing this relationship is what you truly seek, be prepared to forgive and work with your partner to overcome his infidelity. 

It takes two to tango so ensure that your boyfriend’s just as committed as you are towards this healing journey. All the best!