Have you been wondering why does my girlfriend get mad so easily? Navigating your partner’s emotions can be challenging especially when it’s an emotion like anger.
Trust me I’ve been in this situation before with my partner so I can imagine you must be feeling frustrated! Not only was he angry with me but he didn’t make it clear why he was getting worked up so easily.
Instead of giving each other the cold shoulder, I decided to take a step back and reassess the situation. When did I notice he was mad at me and for how long? This allowed me to get a gauge of what I was up against before confronting my partner.
After our conversation, I learned that he was feeling frustrated because we hadn’t been making an effort to spend time with each other due to our busy schedules. I now understood why he was getting mad so easily and how we could resolve the matter.
It was a process to get there but I learned that by taking proactive steps to truly understand what has triggered this behavior, you’ll be able to shed light on the question as to why does my girlfriend get mad so easily?
With that in mind, here are 10 possible reasons and 10 solutions to overcome the situation and hopefully foster empathy, communication, and a stronger bond between you and your partner.
Summary
- 10 reasons why your girlfriend gets mad so easily
- 10 ways to deal with my girlfriend getting mad so easily
- Frequently asked questions
- What not to say to your girlfriend when she’s mad
- How much anger is normal in a relationship
- Conclusion
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10 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Gets Mad So Easily
1. Your girlfriend gets mad so easily because Her Needs Are Not Being Met
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Like in any relationship, your partner will have certain emotional and practical needs that contribute to her happiness. When these needs aren’t fulfilled and are not addressed immediately, they can foster frustration and gradually trigger her temper.
While it may be tough to admit, it’s important to recognize your role in causing her to be mad so easily.
Don’t be hard on yourself and remember that everyone makes mistakes so let’s break down further the possible reasons why your girlfriend gets mad so easily, and whether they apply to you.
2. Your girlfriend gets mad so easily because You Overlook The Little Things
When was the last time you complimented her? Or the last time you showed gratitude or verbally expressed it to her?
Couples who have been together for a while may take each other for granted. These acts may seem small but it’s these small gestures when performed consistently, that can maintain a strong connection between you and your partner.
Sometimes, we aren’t aware of the effort our partner puts into their appearance, or the acts of service they’ve done to make the other feel good, and an acknowledgment of this can go a long way in terms of making them feel truly appreciated.
If this is missing from your relationship, it could be a reason why your girlfriend gets mad so easily.
3. your girlfriend gets mad so easily because You Said Something To Offend Her
Think back to previous conversations you’ve had with your girlfriend – did you say something to upset her? Have you passed judgment over something she did or said? Or criticized her for her choices?
You might think that what you said isn’t a big deal, or that it was coming from a good place, but it’s important to remember that your girlfriend hears and interprets things differently.
So what may seem trivial to you, might be a big deal to her. You may think what you’ve said is useful but sounds condescending from her perspective.
Often, we don’t realize that our words hold weight and there’s a possibility that you might’ve said something that has made her feel angry. This leads to the next possible reason.
4. your girlfriend gets mad so easily because She Feels Misunderstood By You
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Did your partner share how she was feeling and your immediate reaction was to get defensive or propose a solution? Perhaps something you said (or didn’t say) hurt your partner’s feelings, and your response was to interrupt and say “No, that’s not what I meant”.
Not truly listening to what your partner has to say, and choosing to be defensive instead can create tension for your partner. She might feel that you will misinterpret whatever she says.
This environment can breed feelings of resentment and anger because she no longer feels safe to express how she truly feels.
5. Your girlfriend gets mad so easily because Previous Conflicts Have Not Been Resolved
Think back to previous arguments you’ve had previously. Did it feel like you both managed to resolve the issue? Did you feel like your partner expressed everything she needed to say then?
There’s a possibility that your girlfriend gets mad so easily because she is still harboring resentment over things that were said (or not said) during the previous argument. Instead of bringing this conversation up, she’s choosing to act out in anger.
6. your girlfriend gets mad so easily because She’s Mirroring You
Have you caught yourself getting mad at her frequently and over the little things? It could be that she wants to show how you behave towards her before calling you out.
Sometimes we behave in ways that we don’t realize are hurting others and perhaps your partner wants you to know how it feels so that you feel more empathetic towards her.
7. your girlfriend gets mad so easily because You Are Not Pulling Your Weight
Did she ask you to do something but you didn’t do it? Assuming you both live together, are the household responsibilities fairly delegated? Are you holding your end of this arrangement?
Your girlfriend may get mad easily because she feels you’re not holding yourself accountable for all the tasks you said you’d fulfill. Perhaps she’s always reminding you but can’t be bothered to repeat herself.
This scenario can create frustration within your girlfriend and cause her to get mad so easily.
8. your girlfriend gets mad so easily because She’s Practicing Old Family Patterns
Besides thinking about how you could’ve played a role in your partner getting mad so easily, it’s also good to reflect on your girlfriend’s behavior. For instance, what are your girlfriend’s parents or caregivers like?
It’s good to be mindful of this as our relationship with our primary caregivers shapes who we are. Our behavior is influenced by observing how our parents interact.
If she’s grown up with caregivers who get angry at each other, she’s learned that’s how you communicate with your partner.
This could explain why she gets mad so easily. However, this awareness doesn’t mean she’s excused from behaving this way.
By being self-aware and willing to change, you and your girlfriend can work together to overcome these patterns and communicate more healthily.
9. Your girlfriend gets mad so easily because She Has Low Self-Esteem
If you’re wondering why does my girlfriend get mad so easily? it could be that she’s doing so to protect her ego and fragile self-esteem. Does your girlfriend get defensive easily when you bring up certain topics?
According to research conducted by Brene Brown and her team, our self-esteem is fragile when we perceive our imperfections as decreasing our self-worth rather than accepting it, and viewing it as something that doesn’t diminish our self-worth.
If your partner feels like the former, chances are you may have triggered her insecurities and made her get defensive. If this is the reason, then work together with your girlfriend to identify what triggers her anger and how she can manage it better.
10. your girlfriend gets mad so easily because She Is Going Through A Tough Time In Her Personal Or Professional Life
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Is your partner currently going through a challenging time at work? Is there anything in her personal life that is bothering her like an argument or disagreement with her family or close friends?
The reason why does my girlfriend get mad so easily? might not be due to the relationship but because she is going through a rough phase which you might not be aware of.
It’s important to remember that your partner has a life outside of your relationship and that she could be channeling her frustrations onto you.
How Do I Deal With My Girlfriend Getting Mad Easily
Regardless of what the reason may be, the only way we can know why your partner gets mad easily is to talk to them. It may seem daunting but it’s by having these difficult questions that can we understand our partner better. Here are eight ways you can support her during this tough conversation.
1. Reflect on the situation
Before you ask your girlfriend why she gets mad so easily, take a moment to reflect on the relationship. You may use these questions during your reflection:
- When did I notice this behavior?
- How long have I noticed that they’ve been getting mad easily?
- Is this behavior unusual or has this been persistent throughout our relationship?
- What triggered these bouts of anger? Is it the same thing or something random?
Addressing these questions in mind might help shed some light on her behavior and have you prepared for when you do confront her about it.
2. Initiate The Conversation
There’s no doubt that you and your partner have other obligations outside of your relationship so take initiative by asking your girlfriend if you can schedule a time and date to discuss the matter.
Be clear what is the purpose of the conversation and that your intention is not to pick a fight but rather to understand why she’s been getting mad so easily.
By framing your intentions this way, she will be more willing to open up during your conversation.
3. Practice Empathy
True understanding is not possible without empathy. Empathy is the ability to feel what your partner is experiencing without judgment. It is the practice of trying to understand your partner so that you can foster a connection.
This differs from sympathy which is the act of trying to minimize or invalidate our partner’s feelings. You might think that saying phrases like, “Oh, well at least you…”, or “I’m sure it’s not that bad”, can make your partner feel better.
However, it’s making your partner feel worse because you’re not truly seeing how she feels.
Practicing empathy is critical when having difficult conversations with your partner. Often, when our partners are upset over something we did, we immediately get defensive.
However, by practicing empathy, we create an opportunity to understand our partner and become a team to resolve the conflict.
4. Listen Without Judgment
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To practice empathy, we need to practice the art of non-defensive listening and be curious about our partner’s feelings. Non-defensive listening is the practice of self-soothing so that one can listen to understand rather than listen to judge or argue.
This article shares this in detail but some tips to help you practice non-defensive listening include writing down what your partner has said so that you can read and reflect on what she has to say before responding.
This will train your mind to not be reactionary but rather think rationally before speaking.
Another tip is to be mindful and slow down your breathing especially when the conversation starts getting heated.
If you find what your partner has said triggering, or you’re not clear with what she said, you can ask her to reframe her sentence – “I’m not sure what you mean, can you reword your complaint so I can understand your needs?”
5. Look For Feelings Not Arguments
Difficult conversations among couples don’t get resolved because both parties are trying to find fault with each other or defend themselves.
That’s why it’s important to reframe the conversation as an opportunity to resolve the conflict together rather than against one another.
Rather than defending actions, identify how your actions made her feel and what is it that she truly needs.
6. Be There With Her
When you are truly present during the conversation, it will help you understand your girlfriend better. According to Brene Brown, understanding your partner’s difficult feelings requires you to connect with that feeling yourself.
If your girlfriend expressed that she was feeling frustrated because she had so many things to do, you could reflect on a time when you also experienced a similar feeling to understand her perspective.
However, if you have trouble relating to her situation, you can start by getting curious and asking questions. You can ask her what triggers her defensiveness or if her parents used to communicate angrily. This way, it can shed light on why she’s been getting mad so easily.
7. Ask For A Pause
If the conversation does get overwhelming or you realize that your girlfriend is getting defensive, you can ask for a pause. There’s a misconception that couples must fight it out to the end whenever there’s conflict.
However, if both parties are feeling defensive or anxious, chances are you will start to think irrationally making it more challenging to be empathetic. In this scenario, it’s fine to hit pause and come back to the conversation when you’re both feeling more calm.
8. Summarize and Validate
Summarize the conversation so that your partner knows you’ve been actively listening to her.
You can say empathizing statements such as “It makes sense that you do…” or “Of course, you feel…”. This demonstrates that you validate your partner’s feelings.
However, do bear in mind that just because you validate your partner’s feelings doesn’t mean you neglect your own. Empathizing means that you now understand your partner’s feelings.
It’s not easy to get to this point and just because you don’t get there right away, doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail.
Empathy requires practice and so long as you both are willing to do the work, then you’ve already won half the battle.
9. Practice Gratitude
Once you’ve had a difficult conversation, you can show gratitude to your partner. This can be something as simple as thanking her for being vulnerable or making her a nice meal.
It is after these conflict conversations, that we must show more compassion and love to our partner.
10. Speak to a professional
Another option if you can financially afford it is seeing a couples therapist or counsellor to help you navigate this situation. By having a third party present, they would be able to offer a different perspective on the matter and identify potential solutions to your situation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Not To Say To Your Girlfriend When She’s Mad
Examples of things not to say are “You were too good for that job anyway. They’re not even worth your time”. Expressions like these suggest that her feelings aren’t valid and that you don’t take her seriously. It’s clear that whatever she’s upset about is important to her and shouldn’t be dismissed.
While you may have good intentions, it’s advised to not give her advice or provide solutions when she’s having a rant. Unless she’s specifically asked for it, it’s best to be there for her by simply listening to what she has to say.
Also, if she’s mad at a person, don’t say “I’m sure they didn’t mean to upset you”. Attempting to rationalize the situation when your girlfriend is mad is not the best time to do so because it implies that you’re taking the other person’s side.
At the end of the day, she just wants someone to support her while she rants.
How Much Anger Is Normal In A Relationship?
It’s normal to feel some degree of anger in a relationship during conflict or difficult times. Anger is a normal emotion but the trouble starts when that anger is handled in unhealthy ways that can be hurtful to you and your partner.
If her behavior continues to negatively impact your relationship and there’s no improvement, then it’s worth considering talking to a relationship coach or couples therapist who can better guide you on this matter.
Conclusion
There are plenty of reasons as to why does my girlfriend get mad so easily? However, be mindful that all relationships are different and you should only consider the reasons that speak to you or that you think may apply to yours.
Ultimately, the best way to truly know why your girlfriend gets mad so easily is to initiate a conversation with her and practice empathy during the process. Otherwise, you can seek professional help to navigate this situation with your partner. All the best!