Why does my girlfriend ignore me? is a common question partners ask. In a world where we are constantly striving for connection, being ignored can generate feelings of helplessness, isolation, and sadness.
Fortunately, based on my experience, I’ve learned that this question isn’t a mystery. Instead, if you’re willing to understand your partner’s behavior, you’ll be able to shed some light on why does my girlfriend ignore me.
So, read along if you’d like to know why does my girlfriend ignore me and what to do about it.
Summary
- 6 things to consider when your girlfriend is ignoring you
- 10 steps on how to deal with your girlfriend ignoring you
- Frequently asked questions
- Is it normal for your girlfriend to ignore you?
- Is ignoring a form of love?
- Conclusion
RELATED POSTS
- My Girlfriend Is So Mean To Me (15 Reasons Why)
- My Girlfriend Chooses Her Friends Over Me. Why? (10-Step Guide)
- Why Is My Girlfriend So Annoying (13 Reasons + Tips)
DISCLOSURE
Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.
IN A HURRY? HERE ARE THE KEY TAKEAWAYS
- Your girlfriend ignoring you could be due to something you did, a lack of affection, or that she’s preoccupied with other matters.
- The best way to know is by initiating a meeting to discuss the matter with her.
- Be empathetic by actively listening to her concerns without judgment.
- Reflect on the conversation and decide if you want to continue this relationship.
- If you do, work as a couple to identify how you can improve your communication skills.
- Consider reaching out to a licensed therapist to help you navigate this matter.
- If she continues to ignore you or shows no attempt or interest to improve, then you should end it.
6 things to consider when Your Girlfriend Is Ignoring You
1. Ask Yourself If She’s Ignoring You
Before we answer the question, “why does my girlfriend ignore me”, ask yourself to what extent is she ignoring you.
Here are some questions to consider before exploring why does my girlfriend ignore me:
- When did you start to realize that she’s been ignoring you?
- Was this behaviour something that’s been happening persistently over time or is this just a random occurrence?
- In what ways has she been ignoring you?
- Does she usually ignore you every time something specific happens or was it triggered by a one-off incident?
These questions will help you identify if your girlfriend is ignoring you because of an isolated event or if there’s a pattern in her behavior.
It can also help you identify if you played a role or if she’s going through something personal.
Either way, it’s good to get a gauge of the degree to which she’s ignoring you.
2. Your Girlfriend’s Ignoring You Because She’s Currently Managing A Lot Of Responsibilities
We sometimes forget that our partners have a life outside of the relationship. It could be that she has a lot on her plate. Is she currently managing a stressful project? Or is she handling multiple assignments at work?
I was going through a similar situation with my partner. He felt like I had been ignoring him. I had to explain to him that I was busy at work and didn’t have time to check my messages.
Of course, this didn’t exempt me from my behavior and we had to identify a compromise (i.e. we would schedule a call at the end of the week).
So if she’s going through a similar situation, then this would give you a better understanding as to why does my girlfriend ignore me.
3. Your Girlfriend’s Ignoring You Because She Wants To Be Left On Her Own
If she’s going through a difficult time, it could be that she wants to be left on her own.
Often, we assume the best way to be there for someone is to be a listening ear or provide solutions. But sometimes all they want is their own time to process their feelings and emotions.
This is something I’ve communicated to my partner before to reassure him that I wasn’t ignoring him.
Is your girlfriend going through a difficult period? If she wants to be on her own, then I wouldn’t take offense.
However, if you feel this behavior is unusual, then you might want to consider the possibility that she has depression.
4. Your Girlfriend’s ignoring you because She Feels Disconnected From You
Credit: Jupilu
When was the last time you did something nice for your girlfriend? And I don’t mean grand romantic gestures but little things like compliment her or complete an errand for her?
Love isn’t sustained through big romantic gestures but rather through small and consistent acts of kindness.
Dr. John Gottman refers to these acts as “bids”. “Bids” are attempts from one partner to another for attention, affection, or support. It could be asking your partner to wash the dishes or informing them about something you’ve achieved.
In these moments, the partner then has a choice to turn towards them by responding to these bids (i.e. help to wash the dishes or congratulate them on their success) or turn away.
By embracing the former, couples are choosing to increase emotional connection in their relationship.
However, if you’ve been doing the latter, chances are your girlfriend cannot be bothered to make any “bids” for emotional connection since they’re not reciprocated and instead are choosing to ignore you.
5. Your Girlfriend’s Ignoring You Because Previous Conflicts Have Not Been Resolved
Recall a conversation you had recently with your partner. Did you manage to resolve the issue?
Suppose you find yourself in a situation where you’re trying to resolve the conflict immediately but your girlfriend chooses to walk away from the conflict. In that case, it looks like you both are experiencing a pursuer-distancer pattern.
According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, a partner with pursuing behavior wants to respond to relationship conflict by moving toward the other.
They’ll say things like “I didn’t like how you behaved at dinner, can we talk about it now?”. They want to resolve the matter right there and then.
Meanwhile, a partner with distancer behavior wants to respond to relationship conflict by moving away from the other – “I don’t want to talk about it right now”. They struggle with vulnerability so they want emotional distance before addressing the matter.
This is exactly the dynamic I have with my partner. He’s a pursuer whereas I’m a distancer when it comes to handling conflict. How we resolve an argument depends on the degree of the argument.
If it’s a minor argument, I manage my distancer behavior so that we can resolve the matter quickly but if it’s a major argument, my partner manages his pursuer behavior so that we can give each other time to process.
So if this pattern sounds familiar, it could be that your girlfriend is a distancer and currently needs space before she addresses the conflict.
6. Your Girlfriend’s Ignoring You Because She’s No Longer Interested
Credit: Jonesee
A hard truth to consider but the reason why your girlfriend is ignoring you is because she’s no longer interested. It’s normal for couples to grow apart.
Perhaps your girlfriend is ignoring you because she’s still processing these feelings of disinterest and figuring out how to move forward.
Even if you still have feelings for your girlfriend, you need to be open to the possibility that she no longer feels the same way.
However, this is merely speculation and you won’t fully know why your girlfriend is ignoring you unless you initiate a conversation with her.
With that, here’s what you can do if your girlfriend is ignoring you.
10 steps on how to deal with your girlfriend ignoring you
1. Accept Her Feelings when your girlfriend’s ignoring you
Based on the pursuer-distancer pattern explained earlier, if you find yourself resonating with the aggressive pursuer, then it’s best to take a step back and give her space.
Actively pursuing her to address the matter will only overwhelm her at this point and the conversation will not reach the desired outcome.
2. Don’t Ignore your girlfriend Back
To clarify, there’s a difference between giving her space and ignoring her completely.
It’s not healthy if you’re feeling spiteful and choose to ignore her with mal-intent or in other words to give her a “taste of her own medicine”.
She probably has a reasonable explanation as to why she’s ignoring you and reacting negatively will only harm the relationship.
What you can do instead is drop her a message to say that you understand if she needs space and that you’re here when she’s ready to reach out.
3. Take Care Of Yourself if your girlfriend’s ignoring you
Credit: Pexels
You might be feeling anxious leading up to the talk. I’m here to assure you that it’s normal to feel anxious over something beyond your control but it’s important to not be consumed by it.
Instead of pondering over your relationship, focus on things within your sphere of control.
For instance, take your mind off by practicing healthy coping strategies such as exercising, journaling, or planning dates with your friends or family.
You can also reframe this as an opportunity to decide how you feel about the relationship. Do you want to continue pursuing this relationship? Are there areas that could be improved?
Look inward and reflect on the relationship and see if there’s anything worth sharing with your girlfriend the next time you meet.
4. Initiate The Conversation if your girlfriend still chooses to ignore you
If no fixed date has been set in terms of when you both will be speaking, take the initiative to ask your girlfriend if you can schedule a time and date to discuss the matter.
Be clear what is the purpose of the conversation and that your intention is not to pick a fight but rather to understand why she’s been ignoring you.
By framing your intentions this way, she will be more willing to open up during your conversation.
5. Practice Empathy
True understanding is not possible without empathy. Empathy is the ability to feel what your partner is feeling without judgment. It’s the practice of understanding your partner on a deeper level.
Usually, when someone is sharing how they’re feeling, our immediate reaction is to say phrases like “at least you…” or “It’s not that bad…” or try to propose solutions.
Although it’s said with good intent, these responses make the person receiving it feel worse because it dismisses their feelings.
So it’s important to be empathetic especially when having difficult conversations.
If you’re the answer to the question, why does my girlfriend ignore me, then be ready to listen to understand rather than defend. This will create an opportunity to identify why your girlfriend is ignoring you.
6. Listen Without Judgment
Credit: StockSnap
One way to practice empathy is by practicing non-defensive listening. This refers to the practice of calming yourself down even during the conversation so that you can listen to understand your partner rather than argue.
Some practical ways you can implement non-defensive listening would be to write down what your partner is saying so that you can read and reflect later, or slow down your breathing as she’s talking to you.
If she’s said something to offend you or you’re not clear, you can ask her to rephrase the sentence – “I’m not sure what you mean, can you say that again so I can understand you”.
Another way to practise empathy is to get curious and ask questions especially when you cannot relate or understand your partner’s point of view. This will also encourage your partner to open up to you.
If the conversation does get heated or you can sense tension, you can also request a pause. This is to ensure nothing is said when both parties are feeling anxious or angry.
Remember that the purpose of this conversation is to understand your partner so that you both can resolve the conflict together.
7. Summarize and Validate
Once you’ve had the conversation, summarise what your partner has said so that she knows you’ve been actively listening.
You can say statements like “It makes sense that…” or “Thank you for being honest, I know now…”. This shows that you are validating your partner’s feelings.
This is also when you can share your feelings to help your partner understand you. It’s important to validate your partner’s feelings but do remember to not neglect your own.
Practicing empathy takes practice and you might not get to this point right away but if you’re both willing to put in the work, then your relationship is on the right path.
8. Identify Solutions Together
Once you’ve identified why your girlfriend is ignoring you, you can discuss together how to ensure this won’t happen again.
If she’s been ignoring you because of personal reasons, ask her what kind of support she needs when she’s going through a tough time.
If it’s due to feeling disconnected, build a culture of curiosity in your relationship and ask her questions so that you both can get to know each other again.
Your partner may have changed so it’s important to let her know that you’re here to understand and support her as she is evolving.
You can also build a culture of gratitude and respect within the relationship.
You can thank her when she’s completed a task or when she’s done something nice for you. Or end the day by sharing what you’re grateful for.
It’s the small moments in the every day that will foster a more loving and emotionally connected relationship.
9. Consider Breaking Up As An Option
You might want to consider ending the relationship if the following scenarios occur:
- You aren’t able to resolve the matter within your timeline
- She still chooses to ignore you that which makes you feel lonely
- Your girlfriend ignoring you becomes a pattern
While breaking up is a difficult option to consider, it can also be an act of self-care and personal growth.
Not all relationships last forever, and it’s okay to put your well-being and happiness first. Take this time to reflect on your needs and values.
Breaking up with someone is daunting but by taking this brave step, you are giving yourself permission to step out and experience the possibility of a more fulfilling future, be that with yourself or with someone who is more aligned with your values.
10. Speak To A Professional
If you find yourself in a position where you both can’t resolve the matter but still want to make the relationship work, consider speaking to a licensed couples therapist or relationship coach.
By having a trusted expert be a neutral third party, they will be able to offer new insights and perspectives that you and your partner may have overlooked.
They would also help you navigate the challenges in your relationship by creating a safe space to share feelings, communicate with your partner effectively, and reinforce the foundations of your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for your girlfriend to ignore you?
Depending on the situation, it could be that she’s likely going through something challenging or something she isn’t ready to open up about.
So if you’re wondering why your girlfriend is suddenly ignoring you, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s your fault. However, you should reflect on whether you did something wrong recently to offend her.
Is ignoring a form of love?
If done consistently with no explanation, ignoring someone you love can indicate emotional immaturity or a lack of communication skills.
So if you’re wondering “Is ignoring a sign of love”, this is a misconception and just not true.
Conclusion
While there are plenty of reasons listed earlier as to why your girlfriend is ignoring you, do remember that all relationships are different.
You should only consider the reasons that you think are best applicable to your situation.
Ultimately, the best way to identify why your girlfriend is ignoring you is to have a conversation when you’re both ready.
Remember to practice empathy during the process and if the problem persists, don’t be afraid to seek professional help to facilitate the conversation. All the best!